INDUSTRY INSIGHT
FAMILY LAW
Effective co-parenting is crucial in any divorce or separation. Every day parents choose to divorce for a variety of reasons. Some choose to handle it amicably and others do not. Approaching the children about a family split-up can be one of the most, if not the most difficult things parents have to face. The way you handle your children during this time can have a big impact on how your custody will fare, and the way parents work together can factor into how much custody you will have.
First, try to keep your family out of court if you can. As parents, you are empowered to work out custody issues on your own and you will all be better for it. However, in the event you cannot figure it out, the only hard and fast rule the Pennsylvania courts go by is what is in the best interests of the child.
This can be a very subjective standard but some of the factors that may play into a judge’ s decision on custody are: who is more available to care for the child; who can provide a loving, nurturing, and stable environment for the child; the ability of the parents to effectively communicate; the parents’ respective work schedules; and how close the parents live to each other.
Oftentimes, custody decisions can come down to two parents who live near each other, love their child, and have reasonable work schedules but cannot communicate with each other, or choose to put their child in the middle of their dispute. If you are facing a breakup and there are kids involved, here are some tips for a smooth transition for the whole family.
Do not use your child as a messenger. It does not work well for the child since he is being put in the middle.
Do not disparage the other parent in front of your child or allow your family members or friends to do the same. This can backfire on you and can lead to a child being very confused and feeling like she has to choose sides. Furthermore, the court will not look favorably on a parent who speaks poorly of the other parent directly to their child when deciding custody.
Do not ask your child to keep secrets from the other
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parent. Again, this puts a lot of unnecessary pressure on a child.
Do work together on a realistic custody, vacation and holiday schedule to maximize the time each parent spends with the child. If you have trouble figuring out a custody schedule, both parents can consult with a mediator to design a schedule that works well for everyone involved. Attorneys can also assist with this if you need legal advice on custody.
Do communicate directly with each other via phone, email, text and in person. For those parents who struggle with seeing each other or even hearing the other parent’ s voice, they can use Our Family Wizard or Co-Families. com, online court-monitored tools and email system for any and all issues regarding the child.
Do seek family counseling, co-parenting counseling or one-onone counseling for your child if needed.
Do try to be flexible with the other parent, as things do come up, traffic happens, schedules change. Obviously, if it becomes a pattern, then there might be a problem that needs to be addressed.
Regardless of whether you are going to stay together, you will be parents of your children for the rest of your lives. Make the right decisions and you will find that you can co-exist separately for the benefit of your children and your children will be in a better position to handle the transition. If you have to resort to the courts, do your part by acting in the best interests of your child and shielding your son or daughter from as much of the ugly stuff as possible.
This Industry Insight was written by Brooke B. McMorrow and the attorneys at McMorrow Law, LLC.
Attorney Brooke McMorrow is the founding member and Managing Attorney of McMorrow Law, LLC located in Wexford. The practice focuses on family law matters such as divorce, custody, child support, guardianship, estate planning, and probate / estate administration in Pittsburgh and the surrounding counties. Attorney McMorrow is collaboratively trained and a certified mediator. She is also a founding member of Collaborative Solutions North. She is licensed to practice in Pennsylvania and New York. For a free initial consultation call 724.940.0100 or visit the website at www. mcmorrowlaw. com.
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