INDUSTRY INSIGHT
CHILD DEVELOPMENT
SPONSORED CONTENT
Creating a Better Self-Image
A child exercises his social behavior
to gain attention – this happens at birth
and continues through adulthood. This
growing social attention is based on
how a child perceives himself and by
how he interacts with his parents and
siblings at home, with other adults, with
playgroups and at school. Attention-
seeking behavior can be negative or
positive. A child is very self-centered and
views himself by the images and feelings
that are reflected back at him. The child’s
personality, interactions and experiences
begin to mold his self-image. Is he
invited to birthday parties? Is he picked
for games? Is he part of a group or
does he have a best friend? Does he
perceive himself as liked or disliked by
his interactions? As the child grows,
environmental interactions with others
can have the result of feeling hurt or
left out. The building of self-image and
self-esteem is like a house of cards, due
to the fact that children are constantly
coming from a position of self-serving
situations and their perceived reaction
of others.
Toddlers and preschoolers are lavished with superlatives as they
meet milestones of development: learning to walk, saying first
words, catching first ball, learning to ride a bike, etc. Parents often
begin to congratulate their preschool child with words like “Good
job,” “You’re wonderful,” and “You’re so smart.” These are superlative
words meant to motivate and try to give the child a good self-
image. As the child enters elementary school, the adult parenting
style changes. The change interfaces with a different structure of
responses. Parents begin to use a requesting style of interaction.
“Did you make your bed?,” “Did you feed the dog?,” “Did you do your
homework?,” “Did you brush your teeth?,” “We’re going to be late,” etc.
Lavish words turn into instructions where daily accomplishments
become a cause and effect of parents’ requests of the child. Parental
dialogue is of the utmost importance in early elementary.
To reinforce the child’s struggle for attention and praise, the parent
needs a different lexicon of phrase that centers on what he is doing,
not what he is.
A parent can recognize each stage of the child’s effort as he attains
a goal. The parental reinforcement should focus on the child’s trying
ability. For example, trying to ride a bike: “I see you trying”, “You are
working really hard at this”, “Your balance is improving.” You want to
compliment the attributes of his trying as he gains proficiency. If a
child is doing homework, you can start by pointing out the child’s
printing and saying things like, “I like how you made your 5’s, 6’s,
and 7’s”, “Good effort,” “You are working hard staying in the lines.”
Parental comments are especially important during elementary
school year. Take every opportunity to notice their trying. Parents
must be creative and not give general
compliments. The child will be eager
to build on the attributes that you
recognize. A frivolous response does
not feed into the child’s self-image. Nor
does it raise the child’s image of himself.
“That’s good,” “That’s fine,” etc. gives no
direction to the child’s own self-image
and does not raise higher expectations
of self.
The words that you use to compliment
your child should have a hierarchy of
value. For example, ”That shows extra
effort,” “Good choices,” “That’s a very
good try,” an