IN Hampton Summer 2017 | Page 35

INDUSTRY INSIGHT CHILD DEVELOPMENT SPONSORED CONTENT Creating a Better Self-Image A child exercises his social behavior to gain attention – this happens at birth and continues through adulthood. This growing social attention is based on how a child perceives himself and by how he interacts with his parents and siblings at home, with other adults, with playgroups and at school. Attention- seeking behavior can be negative or positive. A child is very self-centered and views himself by the images and feelings that are reflected back at him. The child’s personality, interactions and experiences begin to mold his self-image. Is he invited to birthday parties? Is he picked for games? Is he part of a group or does he have a best friend? Does he perceive himself as liked or disliked by his interactions? As the child grows, environmental interactions with others can have the result of feeling hurt or left out. The building of self-image and self-esteem is like a house of cards, due to the fact that children are constantly coming from a position of self-serving situations and their perceived reaction of others. Toddlers and preschoolers are lavished with superlatives as they meet milestones of development: learning to walk, saying first words, catching first ball, learning to ride a bike, etc. Parents often begin to congratulate their preschool child with words like “Good job,” “You’re wonderful,” and “You’re so smart.” These are superlative words meant to motivate and try to give the child a good self- image. As the child enters elementary school, the adult parenting style changes. The change interfaces with a different structure of responses. Parents begin to use a requesting style of interaction. “Did you make your bed?,” “Did you feed the dog?,” “Did you do your homework?,” “Did you brush your teeth?,” “We’re going to be late,” etc. Lavish words turn into instructions where daily accomplishments become a cause and effect of parents’ requests of the child. Parental dialogue is of the utmost importance in early elementary. To reinforce the child’s struggle for attention and praise, the parent needs a different lexicon of phrase that centers on what he is doing, not what he is. A parent can recognize each stage of the child’s effort as he attains a goal. The parental reinforcement should focus on the child’s trying ability. For example, trying to ride a bike: “I see you trying”, “You are working really hard at this”, “Your balance is improving.” You want to compliment the attributes of his trying as he gains proficiency. If a child is doing homework, you can start by pointing out the child’s printing and saying things like, “I like how you made your 5’s, 6’s, and 7’s”, “Good effort,” “You are working hard staying in the lines.” Parental comments are especially important during elementary school year. Take every opportunity to notice their trying. Parents must be creative and not give general compliments. The child will be eager to build on the attributes that you recognize. A frivolous response does not feed into the child’s self-image. Nor does it raise the child’s image of himself. “That’s good,” “That’s fine,” etc. gives no direction to the child’s own self-image and does not raise higher expectations of self. The words that you use to compliment your child should have a hierarchy of value. For example, ”That shows extra effort,” “Good choices,” “That’s a very good try,” an