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Respect Their Process
Some people want to talk, while others need quiet. Some might want to be surrounded by friends; others may need solitude. Don’ t take it personally if your offers are declined. Grief can ebb and flow unpredictably, and respecting the mourner’ s pace and needs shows deep empathy.
How Can I Help? Thoughtful Ways to Help Someone Through Grief
Many friends and family members ask me after a funeral what they can do to help someone in grief. Grief is a deeply personal journey, often filled with pain, confusion, and a sense of isolation. When someone we know and care about is grieving, it can be difficult to know how to help. While there is no way to“ fix” grief, thoughtful gestures and compassionate presence can provide genuine comfort during a heartbreaking time.
Here is what to do.
Be Present and Listen The most powerful gift you can offer is your presence. Simply being there— without needing to offer solutions or advice— can be incredibly reassuring. Listen without judgment. Let those who are grieving express their emotions freely. Avoid rushing them through their process. Grief doesn’ t follow a timeline. Every individual experiences grief differently.
Remember Important Dates
Grief doesn’ t end after the funeral. The“ firsts” can happen months later— the first birthday, anniversary, and holidays can feel especially painful. Mark these dates on your calendar and reach out with a message, a card, or a visit. A simple“ I’ m thinking of you today” can mean more than you know.
Encourage Professional Support
While friends and family provide critical support, sometimes professional help is needed. If someone seems stuck in deep despair or is struggling to cope with daily life, gently suggest counseling or a grief support group. Let your loved ones know that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Offer to attend with them if they do not want to go alone.
Be Patient and Compassionate Grief doesn’ t have a finish line. Continue to check in over the weeks and months ahead, even after others have moved on. Your steady, compassionate presence can be a lifeline in a time of profound loss.
In the face of grief, a small action can have a big impact. Thoughtful gestures, active listening, and continued support can help people feel less alone as they navigate their journey of healing. Continue to be kind.
Offer Practical Help
Someone in grief rarely responds to“ Let me know if you need anything.” Be aware that daily tasks can overwhelm those grieving. Think about offering specific help— like cooking meals, running errands, taking care of children or pets, or managing household chores. These offers can ease their burden. Make it something concrete such as:“ I can bring dinner over this Thursday.”“ We can watch the kids next Tuesday.” or“ We can cut your grass on Friday.” Do these as a statement, not a question. The gestures of support are greatly appreciated. Acknowledge the Loss
Please remember to mention the person who has died. Sharing memories or writing a thoughtful note or card can validate the mourner’ s feelings. It lets them know their loved one is remembered and still matters.
This Industry Insight was written by Frank Perman, FD, Supervisor, CFSP, CPC, CCO, CFC. He is the owner of Perman Funeral Home and Cremation Services Inc., 923 Saxonburg Boulevard at Rt. 8 in Shaler Township. Mr. Perman believes an educated consumer makes the most informed decisions. Inquiries may be made to him at 412.486.3600 or emailed to frank @ permanfuneralhome. com.
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