SC H OO L DI ST RIC T News
rentwood Borough
Brentwood
Borough
School
District
workers, administrators, coaches, scout and youth
group leaders can all be part of the team.
n Do not confide in your child. Being a child whose
parents are divorcing is tough enough. Do not turn
your child into your therapist, your spy, or your
messenger. That is not their role or responsibility and
such a habit will only create more problems for you
and them.
n Remind your child that the divorce is not his/her
fault. Children often feel that they are responsible for
the failure of their parents’ marriage. Always remind
your child that they are loved and this is not their
fault.
n Be up front with your child about changes.
Acknowledge that things have changed. Divorce
almost always means new living arrangements for
a child. And since it costs more to maintain two
residences, it might mean less money for activities
and vacations. Set realistic expectations for your child.
Switching off between homes might mean time away
from a beloved pet. Try to find the best solution, and
be honest about what is possible and what is not.
n Minimize your child’s stress. Do not badmouth your
ex. Do not fight with your ex in front of your child. Do
not use your child to get even with your ex. Do not
make your child choose between you and your ex. The
less stress your child is under, the better equipped he/
she will be to stay on track at school.
60 Brentwood-Baldwin-Whitehall
n Let your child express his/her feelings. Sometimes
kids keep their feelings bottled up during their
parents’ divorce. Be available to your kids if they want
to talk about the divorce or any other subject. Also let
them know that you are available to talk about things
without specifically citing the divorce. You may wish
to consider therapy, peer support groups, or other
resources for your child. Children need a safe place
to talk about their feelings. Children should have the
option of seeing a counselor, but they should not
be forced to do so if they are managing the divorce
effectively.
n Keep things as consistent as possible. Have a
structure that clearly sets out the responsibilities of
each child. Outline the way they have to treat each
other and the way they treat you as their parent. Make
sure the limits are clear. Issues such as curfews, use
of electronics, expectations around schoolwork and
other commitments should always be kept very clear.
Continue to hold kids accountable for not meeting
their responsibilities. Do not let things slide because
of your divorce. Let children know that even if they are
acting out because of the divorce, they’ll still be held
accountable for their behavior.
Divorce can feel like the end of the world to a child,
but divorcing parents have both the opportunity and
the obligation to plan this life change that ultimately
works for the children as well. Parents may choose
to end their commitment to each other, but their
commitment to their child is, and must remain,
lifelong. My next article will focus on tips for
co-parenting when parents are living apart.