B
eing a single parent and getting
back into the dating scene is far
from an easy venture. But it is
possible. Things can be quite
difficult as you have the added pressure
of caring for your child. And so a question
bothering most single parents is whether
or not their child and any prospective
partners will get along. Daunting as it
may seem, in the end things can sway in
everybody’s favour.
3. Engage in ‘what if ’ conversations
4. Understand hot/ cold reactions
All right then, so after months of indecision,
you feel ready to date. But where do you
start?! Relationships are hard on their own,
but when kids are involved it’s essential
both the partner and child are treated with
respect and affection.
Always ask your child how they feel about
the idea of a parent dating. Once the
partner has been introduced as a friend,
ask questions such as ‘did you enjoy
their company?’ Or ‘how you would feel
if I started seeing more of them?’ Don’t
underestimate age factors - children are
honest and more discerning than we think.
Kids usually have loyalty issues, so even
if they like your partner they may sway
back and forth in an aid to protect the
other parents’ pride. Understand that the
likability and acceptance stage is a process.
What then?
5. Character over ideals
Ron Deal, a child psychologist, gives us
expert advice and guiding tools for this
sometimes, dreaded introduction to your
child/children:
Since you can’t judge lasting love by
appearance, physical intimacy or initial
biochemical attractions… You need
an objective measure of the qualities,
attributes and character of the person you
are in a relationship with. It is about how
well the partner can be a father/mother
figure or trusted source of information to
your children. Pick from the heart. But
don’t pick blindly.
1.Dating could turn into sharing a family
According to Deal, kids often wonder how
time with your partner is influencing your
relationship with them. This is why it is
important to maintain old rituals and not
to miss any significant dates previously
celebrated, this helps both with prioritising
and doesn’t give your partner unrealistic
expectations of your time. This allows for
your partner and child/ children to adapt
to this possible new family dynamic.
2. Avoid a quick turn around
A quick decision to date right after failed
relationships often causes the child to be
resistant towards new partnerships. Avoid
introduction too early without assessing
the relationships potential.
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These pointers are but a few things to
take into consideration, it takes courage,
it takes honesty but most of all it takes
commitment. A balance is required in
order to satisfy both partner and kids. How
well you articulate the introductory stage
may make for smooth sailing or tough
tides. Either way, there’s love out there for
everyone. And even those with enough
love for both you and your child/ children.
IMBO/ ISSUE 32/ '14