FIRST PERSON
Got Empathy?
by Debra Beck and Erin Staadecker
Is empathy something that some people are naturally born with
and others aren’t? Is it a learned trait or an inherent quality to be
brought forward? How can we help our youth deepen in empathy?
T
here is a significant amount
of neurological research
today that indicates the
prefrontal cortex is the last
part of the brain to mature. In fact, it
doesn’t become fully formed until a
person reaches his or her mid-twenties. These studies say that due to an
immature prefrontal cortex, teenagers
tend to make irrational decisions and
exhibit a poor sense of empathy. I can
partially appreciate these conclusions
because I have worked with teens
that exhibit a sense of invincibility
and have a lower fear factor than
most adults. But as far as empathy
goes, I’m not so sure I agree.
In my mentoring practice, I see
many teens that express concern
and caring for others, including their
parents. I also see the other side of
the spectrum where teens seem to
be completely self-absorbed. I’ve
often wondered why it is hard for
many of them to have real experiences of empathy. Here are a few
my observations:
l
Teens often do not take time to
stop and think about how their
actions might affect themselves,
let alone others. They are more
inclined to be running off to do
22 IMAGINE l SPRING 2016
l
l
l
the next exciting thing. This can
set up a habit of making the same
mistakes over and over. Interestingly, it just doesn’t occur to them
to do anything else.
Teens are me-centric. As parents,
we actually train them to be this
way when we allow our world to
neurotically revolve around their
needs and desires.
When teens are caught up in
their emotions and hormonal ups
and downs, it can be difficult for
them to transfer any sensitivity
or concern to someone else.
Many teens have challenges
expressing how they feel. Asking
them to put themselves in someone else’s shoes and imagine how
they feel might not be easy.
Bottom line: I believe it is up to
us as parents, guardians, and teachers
to use opportunities that arise to help
bring forth the inherent, and often
latent, capacity for empathy in our
youth. We can do this by taking time
to talk with them about situations
that might come up in school. Ask
questions like, “What would it feel
like if you had a learning disability
and the kids at school were making
fun of you and you were eating lunch
alone everyday?” Engage in dialog
about difficult issues around the
world, and not just about what is happening, but how the people and even
animals must feel in those situations.
Expose them to challenging conditions and have them consider what it
would be like if it were actually happening to them. It’s hard to cultivate
empathy for others when you don’t
take the time to slow down and imagine walking in their shoes.
Recently I was introduced to a
young woman named Erin Staadecker, who is currently the program director for seniors in an assisted living
facility in Seattle. She shared some of
her earlier experiences that led up to
a college project where she put herself
in the shoes of a homeless person and
what she learned about herself.
Erin’s story
I was raised by two highly
socially-mindful parents who brought
me to homeless shelters since the
age of three; I endured my own trials
with adoption and personal loss and
grew up in a generation that speaks
fairly candidly about racism, sexism,
classism, and any ism we can rally
around. To top it off, I’m a woman! So
I should have this handled. Whatever
the true source of human empathy,
I’m discovering it’s a mountain with
no top, and my relationship to it is
constantly transforming.
When I was four I explained to
my mother, very matter-of-factly, that
we are all brothers and sisters and
we need to take care of each other. I
recall in fourth grade, standing up for
the nerdy kid being bullied at recess.
As one of the “cool kids” I couldn’t