not engage with the phone as much. That day, we did great work and had many breakthroughs.
That evening, the three of us sat down to watch a beautiful sunset. Rather than interacting with us and enjoying the view, this teen was busy taking selfies and posting them. Her mother and I continued to connect and enjoy each other’ s company. I noticed a shift in her attitude for the worse after her mother mentioned the teen’ s lack of participation in our group activity. The next morning her daughter seemed to be in a bad mood and was complaining about being bored. When I asked her what she wanted to do, she had no ideas. I realized that there was an addiction going on with social media. The only thing she wanted to do was be connected to her phone. She has total meltdowns when her mother limits her phone.
I believe her guilt about being on the phone was upsetting her and she was acting out. The next day, I scheduled a ropes course, a team building activity in nature where the teen wouldn’ t be able to have her phone. When they returned from the course, she had light in her eyes and was so excited. Her mother said she was a totally different person.
My third teen was very attached to her phone. Her mother felt her inability to be present with the family was becoming a problem. They were planning a boating trip, and she was not allowed to bring her phone. I asked the mother to observe her daughter and tell me about any changing behaviors. This is what she reported.
“ When we got to the boat, she went for a book and laid down on the bow to read. She then actually fell asleep and took a nap. Wow, that
I felt my lungs inflate with the onrush of scenery— air, mountains, trees, people. I thought, This is what it is to be happy.
– Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar
would never happen at home! There was a fatigue, a letting go, and a relaxation that couldn’ t occur with the connection to technology. We have only been on the boat two days and she has been calmer, kinder and overall more pleasant. She is less concerned with her appearance. She wants to play board games and is reading more. She is swimming with curiosity about what’ s below and spending time just on the dock. She wanted to buy a yoga mat to stretch on the dock when she saw me do it. She has been going to bed much earlier and her face looks more relaxed. She is more relaxed!”
Technology overuse and the ensuing disconnection it creates is a real and challenging issue. But the obvious question is: why are parents so afraid to limit cell phone use, especially when the benefits of not being engaged all the time are so positive for their children’ s health and well being? Limiting use will allow them to connect with others, with themselves, and enliven their innate curiosity and concern for the natural world around them. They deserve that healthy start and the perspective it brings.
Downsides of being connected to social media:
l Happiness becomes dependent on other’ s approval and is difficult to sustain l Social media breeds a false sense of connection l It keeps us from being present in the moment l It diminishes real experience with the world and the people in it
Upsides to being in nature:
l It feeds our senses and our soul l It decreases depression l It aides in reading people’ s emotions better l It promotes curiosity l It’ s relaxing and breeds a sense of calm and well-being
28 IMAGINE l Fall 2016