ABUSE MAGAZINE
My experiences with
abuse
young, then was a
single parent at age
20 after the judge
awarded me physical
custody of Jessica when
she was 15 months old. I
remarried when she was
5, along came two more
daughters, and my use of
alcohol to cope was now
becoming a problem.
I was born to an alcoholic father and neurotic mother. At age two my parents were
divorced and I was subsequently adopted
by another alcoholic ~adoptive father. He
was abusive. He gave me “reminders” every
now and then typically by way of a belt,
grabbing my throat and hair, kicking but not
to the extent that I had bruises that may
tip off a teacher or other adult. But this
was also in the 1970s, when child abuse was
just beginning to be identified as a social
problem that is more than a domestic issue.
He called me “stupid” frequently, as well
as, other names I will not mention in this
editorial. Looking back, being the product
of an alcoholic father with several character defects, I was difficult to manage. I
loathed authority and fought back albeit
passively. My adoptive father came from
the Navy. So I was often in survival mode
as a youngster. At age 17 he finally gave up
trying to raise me. He told me to never contact him again and he meant it. I haven’t
had contact with him now for 32 years.
At age 17 I dropped out of high school in
my senior year. My mother left my adoptive father after their business (Baxter Boat
Dock) burned into the water of Table Rock
Lake in southern Missouri. That was their
second business; their first was a small
airport where my adoptive father taught
me to fly. See, he was not always abusive,
he also taught me some good life lessons,
like to work hard. I earned my GED then
learned the hard way I wasn’t going to be
able to make a decent living without a college education. I married young, divorced
Source: by David Ekman - MEDOVIN.COM (Trustworthy Counseling)
At age 30 I went to detox for alcohol,
then intensive outpatient. I drank off and
on for years finally hitting bottom in the
winter of 2010. By then I had not been
inebriated since March 31, 2008 but I was
homeless, jobless, wrecked my relationships with my children, two DUIs and was
floundering without any sense of who I
was or where I was going. I was very spiritually ill. Since the winter of 2010 my life
has been getting slowly better without the
thought of drinking ever returning.
But here’s an important point I hope you
remember. For years I felt sorry for myself.
I had been abused physically, mentally and
emotionally, and I used that fact along with
losing a very good job due to my substance
abuse to throw a pity party for myself that
lasted 7 years. Hindsight is 20/20. Being
a senior and faced with making important
decisions about your future I hope you
remember that whatever comes your way
it is always up to you; the ball is always
in your court. That’s just an existential
reality that can’t be changed. What others
have done to you, what is outside of you
is irrelevant because it’·s beyond your control. Addiction can be insidious and a subtle
foe; it can sneak up on you. As part of my
dissertation I learned a growing consensus
of research shows that those who are motivated to use alcohol (and/or other drugs) to
cope are at increased risk for substance-related problems. Reach out for help if you
need it. Strive to better know yourself and
pay attention. Be mindful of how you’re
feeling and what you’re doing. Like Ellen
says, “Be kind to one another’’. Don’t
abuse others and don’t abuse alcohol and
other drugs. Above all, believe in something
greater than yourself. At some point along
your life journey you’ll need it.
475 Schmale Rd.
Carol Stream, IL
630-462-8607
“We are proud to help
our youth Build an
ABUSE FREE Future!
630-961-5800
Wendy’s is proud to be
a drug free workplace!
40 Shuman Blvd. Ste #130 • Naperville, IL
210 Alexandra Way • Carol Stream, IL
630-871-1111
Proudly providing our youth
with the POWER to say NO
to drugs & alcohol.
www.inlandpowergroup.com
abusemagazine.org | Illinois Winter 2014 |
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