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proudly relates.
“The poems I would write that would
make my kids the happiest were the dark-
est. And there were a few that we ended up
not including in the book, a couple at the
last minute where I sort of capitulated.
There’s one called “The Way That I Am”
that we decided not to include because the
narrator is engaged in shaming, which is
such a touchstone right now, such a hot-
button topic. But in the case of this narra-
tor, he was shaming himself, listing all the
things about himself that he found repul-
sive. He had one toe shaped like a shrimp,
so he could never wear sandals, and he
couldn’t wear shirts at the beach because
of his jiggly love handles. In the end, he
finally says–and it’s a take on the old
Groucho Marx quote–‘If I can find anyone
to see past these things, I’d probably tell
them to scram/ I don’t want anyone des-
perate enough to love me the way that I
am.’ As in, I don’t want to be in any club
that would have me as a member. He
wound up being an asshole. So I didn’t
want to go to bat for it to the point that I
was willing to make a big stink about it.
But I may find a way to get that little poem
out at some point because I thought it was
sweet.”
Not so sweet? Miller’s Messenger. Two
years ago, he appeared as part of Dallas’
Okay to Say initiative and spoke for the
first time in public about his attempted sui-
cide at the tender age of 14. It was unfamil-
iar new territory for him. But recently, his
old benefactor Desavia pulled him aside
and insisted he address the incident–and
all its accordant emotions–in a bare-knuck-
led concept album. Miller did just that, in
“Broken,” “We’re in Trouble,” “The
Human Condition,” and the urgent open-
er, “Total Disaster,” a Link-Wray-rowdy
rocker which actually alludes to Sisyphus:
“I pushed a boulder up over and over/ I
pulled a million dirty tricks/ I put away
enough Irish whiskey/ To fill the River
Styx.” Recalls Miller, “My initial reaction to
Tom was, ‘That’s a terrible idea–nobody
would want to hear those songs, and I
wouldn’t enjoy writing them.’ But I kept
thinking about it, and eventually, the chal-
lenging aspect of it was too much for me to
pass up. So I spent the next ten days writ-
ing from that place.”
Eventually, after an hourlong chat, only
one question remains–what do you get a
guy like this for Christmas? Something
that will actually put a glint in his world-
weary eye when he unboxes? Erica must
be at her wit’s end every befuddling sea-
son. But actually, believe it or not, he’ll be
pretty easy to buy for this year, Miller
swears. And if he gets what he’s hoping
for–fingers crossed–it will be a Red Ryder
dream come true. Once he got sober, he
and his bandmates–and other groups of
friends–got back into playing Dungeons
and Dragons again, he explains. “And once
you’re into it, there’s lots of stuff that goes
with it–mostly books, real nerd stuff. I
don’t do the plastic miniatures or anything
like that. But these days, I mostly just want
fuzzy socks and flannel shirts. Middle-
aged guy stuff–I don’t need much.”
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