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and ate as much cake as she wanted.
Which couldn't have been far from the
truth. She grew so disenchanted with show
business, she actually toyed with leaving it
altogether. She could just become a Brill
Building-skilled songwriter instead, content to work in the shadows, out of the
annoying spotlight. She was also experiencing panic attacks, some so severe they
would send her climbing up the studio
walls, literally. "When I get nervous, I don't
know what to do with my body," she
explains. "So I kind of climb shit and move
around. I had one bad one, where I actually ran out of the studio, crying – Benny
Blanco and Cashmere Cat were in there,
but I just had to get out. And the next day,
Benny talked to me about it, and he really
helped me out. He said ‘The next time you
feel like that, just hold a load of ice cubes.'
So now every time I feel panicked, I just
hold a load of ice cubes in my hand, and it
kind of chills me out. And it just makes
you focus on the pain of the ice cubes in
your hand, and you literally stop panicking."
By the time she and Azalea's co-written
"Fancy" became big this year, Charli XCX
was physically and mentally prepared for
it. The pair had campy fun with it, morphing its video into a playful trip down memory lane as the gals recreate characters and
scenes from the classic film "Clueless."
They went on to perform the track live on
countless morning-and-talk TV shows,
with Charli singing the sugary chorus
while Azalea spat the rapid-fire verses. It
was a surprise hit that neither artist fully
expected. "But I'm glad it did (chart)," XCX
says. "I feel very proud of Iggy and really
happy for her – I think she deserves all the
success that she has right now. But with
that song, it was funny – I personally never
know when I've written a good song, a hit
song. I just know when I think something
is cool. But I just remember thinking that
song was cool – it felt like girl power, like a
real Gwen Stefani moment. Which is exactly what I wanted to create. So I'm really
happy I did it."
And Charli XCX (a name nicked from
her old MSN screen handle, Kiss Charli
Kiss) keeps right on having a blast these
days, as in her current clip for "Break the
Rules," which returns to "Fancy"'s bratty
schoolgirl theme. She's also currently single. Or, as she puts it, "I'm just chillin'."
24 illinoisentertainer.com december 2014
"I've gotten out of my weird sort of low
and back into a good place," she declares.
"I feel like I have something important to
say as an artist again, even more so than on
"True Romance." And I was really happy
with "True Romance" – I toured it, and I
really loved that record. But I guess people
just didn't feel it so much…
"With "True Romance," I was making it
while I was growing up," she continues.
"And I still didn't feel entirely comfortable
in the studio. But I feel like this album I'm
about to put out is 100% from my own
brain, and really what I've wanted to say
all along. "Sucker" is something that I'm
very proud of, and it feels like it's totally
Charli XCX." She expected to change a lot
during the post-Icona Pop process. But
when she looks in the mirror, she still sees
the same exotic Scottish/Indian features
staring back at her, with a girl-next-door
innocence. "So I really don't think I have
changed, unless all the people around me
are lying," she laughs. "I think I'm still pretty chill, and there hasn't been so much
climbing on shit. And I would just like to
keep myself in my own kind of world, and
my own brain."
One thing is abundantly clear. Charli
XCX will soon be an even greater force to
be reckoned with. Both as a performer –
since she's decided to soldier on in that
department – and as a songwriter, given
that her work can be both cutting-edge and
shamelessly singalong, simultaneously.
Few composers possess that gift – the ability to please both lowbrow and highbrow
masses. And she's finally beginning to recognize her own remarkable talent.
"I'm very critical of myself," Charli XCX
summarizes. "Or at least, I used to be. I was
very critical of myself, I was always consciously comparing myself, and I wasn't
really happy with myself. And around the
time of "I Love It"'s success, post-"True
Romance," that's when I was feeling really
weird. But now I've just really begun to,
well…stop caring about success, you
know? And I'm just happy simply making
music right now, and being in the studio.
And luckily, I'm in a place where I think a
lot of people could well hear my new
record, and that's awesome. And if one
person hears "Sucker"? Great. If a million
people hear it? Also great.
Appearing: 12/18 at Allstate Arena,
Rosemont.