But not all of my behaviors have been corrected. I still notice weight, on myself and on others. I see thin people on the street and wonder if, ten, fifteen years ago, I would have smugly thought I was thinner than they are. I may have even considered them fat. I never stopped to think that they may have been pleased they did not look like me. Or worse, if I made them sad the way ED sufferers will make me sad today (and, I am proud to say, no longer envious).
Riding into Penn Station on the train one afternoon, a billboard on the platform caught my eye. It was for a department store, and showed a thin model in a short tight dress posed rather indignantly, her stick arms crossed in front of her flat chest and her skinny, knobby-kneed legs placed slightly apart to showcase the gaping gap between the two. Her face was turned off to the right, to enunciate the sharp edges of her cheekbones. Last time I had seen this same advertisement in DC, the model was in the same pose, but the gaps and edges and definition of her bones had not been so pronounced. This was just one of the many differences I had noticed between living in New York and living down South. Southerners liked their models slightly less thin. I wondered, if I still lived in New York, would I still have an EDNOS?
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, (DSM-V) has been updated to make the criteria for anorexia nervosa less stringent. Amenorrhea (the absence of a period) has been removed, since that excludes men from fitting the diagnosis. Other eating disorders, such as binge eating disorder (which DSM-V believes covers most of the EDNOS group), pica, and a category for other restrictive feeding and avoidant food intake disorders that may also be classified as obsessive compulsive disorders have been included in the eating disorder section, as well.
There is no end to an ED (besides, it’s missing the letter “n”). There are recurring thoughts that make you aware of this. But there are therapists that tell you how strong you are for getting out of such a dark place, and psychiatrists who tell you that you contribute more to society than your pant size and a number on the scale, and that someone could still love you if you weigh more than 100 pounds. There are friends that tell you how great you look with a rosy complexion and curves instead of concave lines on your face and stomach.
And there are your body cells applauding you every step of the way.