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Taking that into consideration, I think that one of the initial
barriers to relationship formation for immigrants is getting
used to the American way of life. Another variable to factor
in, is that immigrants come with their own cultural norms and
expectations regarding relationships, and they may clash with
the norms as established in America. For example, in the
United States there are so many types of relationships such as:
platonic friendships, dating, casual dating, exclusive relationship, open relationship, “friends with benefits” etc. It is
acceptable for relationships between members of the opposite
sex to be very relaxed and unstructured, so it’s not surprising at
how overwhelmingly confusing [and liberal] this may be for
individuals that come from more structured [and conservative]
backgrounds. So, I think that an additional barrier to relationship building may be the conflicting of cultural identities.
thereafter the ability to assimilate them in the context of
relationship building. Having this skill, provides both armor
and arsenal for establishing any close interpersonal relationship; especially, a romantic one [which can be one of life’s
most amazing or treacherous crusades]
Its understandable that some immigrants cling to their cultural
communities, because they reflect their identities and sense of
being. However, it is inevitable that they will come into
contact and comingle with a cross-section of other social and
cultural groups, whose values and beliefs may be different [or
sometimes surprisingly similar] to their own. Some of the
tenets for resolving the underlying conflicts that ultimately
make relationships difficult include: acknowledging that a
problem exists, identifying the source of the conflict, and
willingness to resolve the underlying conflict.
In this case, therefore, the first step in addressing these
relationship barriers is recognizing that cultural norms relating
to relationship building in America are different from those in
other countries. Next, is knowing that American culture
typically accepts you “as you are.” The most important thing to
remember in the subject of romance and relationships is that as
humans we share common needs. According to Abraham
Maslow, we all have the underlying need to feel a sense of
acceptance, love and belonging–– which means that we really
are not that different after all! Therefore, when dealing with
perceived differences within the context of a relationship or
marriage, we have to go back to basics, and I believe that the
element that can help us address these obstacles is proper
communication. Everything is “talkable” and open communication is the essential to navigating the relationship scene in a
country that we are not originally from.
Relationships in a foreign place may seem difficult, but it is
not impossible. But, success will require significant effort and
commitment to the process that’s involved. Thanks to technology, communicating from the comforts of our own personal
spaces is easier than ever. So, perhaps something that could
help bridge the communication is a forum where individuals,
who are committed to breaking through these barriers, can
openly and safely communicate their concerns regarding
relationships in America. This type of a forum would give
individuals the ability to gain different perspectives, and
IDEA DIAPORA 19
Iran Guzman is a Conflict Resolution Expert based in
Los Angeles. She is also a first generation immigrant
from Mexico.