When I was at home enjoying a long-coveted summer
vacation, I happened to re�ect over the things that had
happened over the last year. I mean, many people will
understand me if I say that it's kind of painful to watch
yourself deteriorate progressively in academics, while you were
among the top guys in your school, or state for that matter.
Life style also
changed drastically. After an entire
day of college, I'd like to sleep more
than anything else. Even after that,
much of the remaining time would be
wasted in watching series, of which at
least 4-5 episodes would be watched at
a stretch, followed by a temporary
regret and guilt. is would continue
for at least a month until there would
be only 20 days left for the next exams.
All of this was full of duality-
happiness and distress, joy and
sorrow, elation and depression- from
which I'd suffer so much that I'd take
shelter to more distraction; more
episodes of the Big Bang eory (may
be �nishing half of the season in a
day); and the vicious cycle will go on.
Only about 15 to 20 days before the
exams, I'd notice with horror that 80%
of the syllabus was left. But, to my
amusement, even that pure horror
could not motivate me much that
time. After studying for a day or two,
I ' d a g a i n w a s t e my t i m e . i s
continued to happen even during the
exams.
You'll be (at least you should
be) astonished to know that this
continued in the 1st proff too. In fact,
it was as if for the purpose of self-
mutilation only, I started playing
'Halo'-the game during proff and
�nished it(!) then only.
However, here comes
the twist in this boring story. When I
was at home enjoying a long-coveted
summer vacation, I happened to
re�ect over the things that had
happened over the last year. I mean,
many people will understand me if I
say that it's kind of painful to watch
yourself deteriorate progressively in
academics, while you were among the
top guys in your school, or state for
that matter. Certainly things could
have been handled better.
is re�ection, aided by some
things I stumbled over that time, left
me wondering. Am I the person, who
was the state topper previously? Are
my abilities in any aspect of my life a
good measure of what I am? Didn't I
gain these abilities over time? If that is
so, it'd obviously mean that my
excellence in my abilities (both
physical and mental) are not constant.
It is in the way of nature that these
abilities will wax and wane over time.
So what use is there of lamentation for
failure, or elation in success? Certainly
my abilities, not being constant, can't
de�ne me. en, who am I? Am I this
body of blood and �esh and bones and
fat and nerves? Or am I this body
combined with the mysterious mind?
Or am I something beyond the mind?
Some ancient and
famous texts (read 'revealed
scriptures') helped to answer these
questions. After my second Pulse, I
happened to come across the �rst of
these texts (thanks to my wingie, Poly)