Avoid Additional Stress Over the Holidays : Setting Healthy Boundaries and Realistic Expectations
STORY BY KRISTIE STEVENS
The holidays can be stressful . Between out of town travel , crowded shops , cooking , and trying to be all things to all people , we could arrive at 2023 with an emotional hangover if we don ’ t take the time to plan for our mental well being . Some of us haven ’ t gathered for the holidays in a year or two , and many of us are experiencing a higher level of anxiety with the lack of practice .
This makes now a good time to get a handle on who is doing what and where over the next six weeks .
Young people are notorious for last minute surprises , usually the disruptive kind . Our parents and grandparents may be entering their forgetful stage , and we all have at least one friend who flakes . The best we can do to maintain our composure and actually enjoy the holidays is to be clear about what we are willing to do and ask what others expect of us . This might sound laughable if your friends and family are last minute in most cases . But that doesn ’ t mean you have to be stressed over their lack of consideration .
It only takes one argument to turn a wonderful meal into a disaster , and if you put in a lot of effort to purchase and cook that meal , the day could leave you feeling depressed and unappreciated . Some of this can be avoided by setting healthy boundaries . It might feel awkward , and a bit of guilt might ensue , but you might be surprised at the positive outcome it will have on your outlook . It could also set an example for those who are silently struggling to follow suit .
If you are easily thrown off kilter by last minute requests and cancellations , make it clear to your family
how that makes you feel ahead of time in hopes of avoiding the kind of upset that can ruin an entire holiday . Decide ahead of time that your aunt who shows up three hours late can heat up a plate when she arrives .
If your teenagers want to roam in and out all day , let them . They might appreciate the absence of nagging them into dressing up or sitting down when it would be a huge relief to avoid their sour attitude . You could use that extra energy to feed your grandchild or have a great conversation with your sister-in-law .
We should try to be flexible but that ’ s a tall order for small children and the elderly . It ’ s also difficult for people with mental health issues . If you are expecting guests that fall into these categories along with other people who are chronically late or may not show up , defer to the needs of the vulnerable first .
There ’ s a video circulating on social media with a woman holding a clipboard announcing her Thanksgiving rules . She clarifies what time the meal will be served and asks that guests refrain from asking repeatedly before that point when the food will be ready .
She asks that guests avoid taking
PHOTO BY MEHMET TURGUT KIRKGOZ
to go plates for people who did not attend . She also requests that no one take her good Tupperware . It ’ s meant as a joke but it actually sets a good example of the kind of respect
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that should be shown to the person who is hosting the meal . If you are fortunate enough to have a family that has traditions that are set in stone , it makes life easier for those who feel more at ease when they know what to expect .
After all the uncertainty that natural disasters and the pandemic brought to our lives , many of us are just starting to regain our sense of equilibrium . As much as we want to go back to the way things were , not all of us operate in the same ways we did before . Some of us are still grieving losses that always seem the heaviest around the holidays , so some extra caution should be taken around our mental health this season . Keep it simple , because there is Continued on page 4
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We are also grateful for all those who are away from their families at this time of year serving our country .
May God bless you all !
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HUNTSVILLE LIVING | NOVEMBER 2022 | 3