BIG LOVE
lage. Sally made her way to Salt
Lake City, to the heart of Mormondom, determined to start
therapy and find a husband.
Instead, on the night of her 21st
birthday she found herself in a gay
bar, staring at a “breathtaking”
brunette in a blue checkered shirt
— the same woman she would
marry in ski clothes on a freezing Utah morning nearly 30 years
later. “We started talking and just
fell in love,” Sally recalled.
When her parents found out
about Brenda, they were devastated. Her dad ordered her to
choose between Brenda and the
family; her oldest sister told her
she was going to hell. Over time,
an uneasy truce was forged. Sally
and Brenda joined in annual family trips to Disney World and
the beach. After Sally’s siblings
made their way to Utah in recent
years, they began to meet each
week for Sunday dinners. But the
two women never held hands or
kissed in front of the family.
Sixteen years ago, Sally’s mother got sick with cancer, and the
couple decided to move back to
Georgia. They tried to rejoin the
family’s church, so that Maddie and Ben could experience
the same close-knit community
HUFFINGTON
03.09.14
Sally had known as a child. But
the bishop told Sally that she and
Brenda would never be able to
become full members of the community, enter the temple, or teach
a Sunday school class. “And that’s
what we wanted to always avoid,”
Sally said. “We didn’t want our
children to be in a place of worship where they didn’t feel equal
When her parents found
out about Brenda, they
were devastated. Her dad
ordered her to choose
between Brenda and the
family; her oldest sister told
her she was going to hell.
to or less than.” A few years after
Sally’s mother died in 2007, the
Farrars moved back to Utah, where
they settled in a heavily Mormon
community in the hills overlooking
Salt Lake City, a few blocks from
her sisters and brother.
Sally and Brenda got married
the night before Christmas Eve.
The next night, a chilly mood
crept into their home, spreading
through the convivial gathering
of Sally’s siblings, their spouses
and their many children. On the
television, a newscaster had in-