GETTY IMAGES/FLICKR RF
Voices
The first time I told Rylee that
she was a lighthouse, she asked me
what that made me. (Lighthouses
generally recognize those that are
— and aren’t — fellow lighthouses.)
I thought about it for a minute. I
said: “The Bermuda Triangle.”
The Bermuda Triangle is so far
from sailors’ minds that it isn’t
even really on the map. They’d
rather not even think about it. Even
if a few of them knew, theoretically,
that the Bermuda Triangle was out
there, they wouldn’t be able to find
it if they wanted to. They would
become lost, possibly forever. For
the most part, though, they don’t
want to try. The Bermuda Triangle
is scary and confusing. Sailors hear
bad things about it. They’d rather
just go around it, staying as far
away as humanly possible.
I know that sounds like an exaggeration. And sure, to some extent,
it probably is. For instance, there
isn’t anything about me that is
analogous to the Bermuda Triangle’s “rogue wave” phenomenon (at
least I hope there isn’t). I don’t capsize sailors, much less entire ships.
I keep myself to myself, you know?
In fact, I think that’s probably what
the Bermuda Triangle is up to. It
doesn’t mean to do any harm, and
it’s actually pretty nice once you get
KATIE
HEANEY
to know it. It’s just that Bermuda
doesn’t know how to handle itself
when somebody sails into its territory, because that hardly ever happens. It hasn’t had much chance
to practice, and it’s used to things
going a certain way. So if a sailor
DOES come around, it gets a little
nervous, freaks the fuck out, and
creates hurricane-like devastation
in every direction around it. And
then it gets embarrassed and sad
and calls its friends.
I do not present this theory because I feel sorry for myself. It’s
just the way things are. Not all of us
can be born lighthouses, or nobody
would ever get anything done and
there would be more sex happening
than you could even believe. I just
think it’s important that I make my
Triangular nature clear up front.
My name is Katie Heaney, and
I’m a Bermuda Triangle.
As a result, and possibly as a re-
HUFFINGTON
01.26.14