Voices
was the one with whom I wanted
to build our own family.
My father’s advice was both
shocking and revelatory. It went
against the grain of today’s
“Walmart philosophy,” which is
if it doesn’t make you happy, you
can take it back and get a new one.
No, a true marriage (and true
love) is never about you. It’s about
the person you love—their wants,
their needs, their hopes, and their
dreams. Selfishness demands,
“What’s in it for me?” while Love
asks, “What can I give?”
Some time ago, my wife
showed me what it means to love
selflessly. For many months, my
heart had been hardening with a
mixture of fear and resentment.
Then, after the pressure had built
up to where neither of us could
stand it, emotions erupted. I was
callous. I was selfish.
But instead of matching my
selfishness, Kim did something
beyond wonderful — she showed
an outpouring of love. Laying
aside all of the pain and anguish
I had caused her, she lovingly
took me in her arms and soothed
my soul.
Marriage is about family.
I realized that I had forgotten
my dad’s advice. While Kim’s
SETH ADAM
SMITH
side of the marriage had been to
love me, my side of the marriage
had become all about me. This
awful realization brought me to
tears, and I promised my wife
that I would try to be better.
To all who are reading this article — married, almost married,
single, or even the sworn bachelor or bachelorette — I want you
to know that marriage isn’t for
you. No true relationship of love
You don’t marry
to make yourself happy,
you marry to make
someone else happy.”
is for you. Love is about the person you love.
And, paradoxically, the more
you truly love that person, the
more love you receive. And not
just from your significant other,
but from their friends and their
family and thousands of others
you never would have met had
your love remained self-centered.
Truly, love and marriage
isn’t for you. It’s for others.
Seth Adam Smith is the editor-in-chief
of ForwardWalking.com
HUFFINGTON
11.17.13