LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS AND MASTURBATION
age of the ace community who
have managed to connect with
other aces offline. Even more magically, they’ve also found love.
Speaking via video chat from
Paavola’s Chicago living room on
a Sunday afternoon, the couple
happily described their relationship and what a positive experience it has been for both of them.
“This is the best relationship
I’ve ever had,” said Mathias, a
panromantic asexual who dated
a number of sexual men before
meeting Paavola. “I feel so much
more comfortable with Isaac. I
trust him. I know there’s not the
same pressure, I know he’s not
thinking about [sex].”
Paavola and Mathias, who both
grew up in small towns, met last
year on Acebook, a dating and social networking site for asexuals.
Finding a lot in common, they decided to meet in person at an AVEN
event in January. They’ve been dating since then and recently decided
to move in together.
“People often ask us, ‘How is
your relationship different from a
friendship?’” said Paavola, also a
panromantic asexual. “A lot of it is
commitment, a lot of it is internal,
emotional attraction. We don’t have
this physical ritual, sex, that defines
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this relationship, but we share a
physical intimacy outside of sex.”
“It amazes me when people assume that because we’re not sexual,
that we’re not romantic, and that
we don’t touch or share affection,”
he went on to say. “There’s a lot of
things outside of sex that people do
with their significant others that
“... when we automatically
couple up romance and
sex, as if they’re naturally
together, that’s not true.”
they wouldn’t do with most of their
friends. Our relationship involves
the same two-person commitment
and emotional connection sexual
couples share.”
Mathias and Paavola admit that
before they met each other, they
thought they might go through life
without a romantic partner. But
they say that’s no longer the case.
“[Asexuals] just need to put
themselves out there and organize.
They need to attend meet-ups in
their cities, try to meet other aces
in person,” said Paavola. “Now
with Katie, I’ve never felt better
about a connection with anybody,
it’s pretty promising. ... It’s
obviously possible.”