Huffington Magazine Issue 63 | Page 50

LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS AND MASTURBATION age of the ace community who have managed to connect with other aces offline. Even more magically, they’ve also found love. Speaking via video chat from Paavola’s Chicago living room on a Sunday afternoon, the couple happily described their relationship and what a positive experience it has been for both of them. “This is the best relationship I’ve ever had,” said Mathias, a panromantic asexual who dated a number of sexual men before meeting Paavola. “I feel so much more comfortable with Isaac. I trust him. I know there’s not the same pressure, I know he’s not thinking about [sex].” Paavola and Mathias, who both grew up in small towns, met last year on Acebook, a dating and social networking site for asexuals. Finding a lot in common, they decided to meet in person at an AVEN event in January. They’ve been dating since then and recently decided to move in together. “People often ask us, ‘How is your relationship different from a friendship?’” said Paavola, also a panromantic asexual. “A lot of it is commitment, a lot of it is internal, emotional attraction. We don’t have this physical ritual, sex, that defines HUFFINGTON 08.25.13 this relationship, but we share a physical intimacy outside of sex.” “It amazes me when people assume that because we’re not sexual, that we’re not romantic, and that we don’t touch or share affection,” he went on to say. “There’s a lot of things outside of sex that people do with their significant others that “... when we automatically couple up romance and sex, as if they’re naturally together, that’s not true.” they wouldn’t do with most of their friends. Our relationship involves the same two-person commitment and emotional connection sexual couples share.” Mathias and Paavola admit that before they met each other, they thought they might go through life without a romantic partner. But they say that’s no longer the case. “[Asexuals] just need to put themselves out there and organize. They need to attend meet-ups in their cities, try to meet other aces in person,” said Paavola. “Now with Katie, I’ve never felt better about a connection with anybody, it’s pretty promising. ... It’s obviously possible.”