A COMMUNITY IS BORN
During his first year of college,
Jay happened upon an article online that would change the course
of his life — and the lives of thousands around the world. It was an
article about asexuality, the first
he’d ever seen. He was stunned.
“The comments section was
filled with people like me who
were looking for a community,”
he recalled.
That year, Jay founded the
Asexual Visibility and Education
Network, arguably the first group
of its kind. AVEN started small
but quickly ballooned, creating
what would become a tight-knit
online community and kickstarting a conversation about asexuality and its implications for the
wider world.
A catch-all definition found on
the AVEN website characterizes
an asexual as “someone who does
not experience sexual attraction.”
The AVEN definition continues:
Unlike celibacy, which people
choose, asexuality is an intrinsic
part of who we are. Asexuality
does not make our lives any worse
or any better, we just face a different set of challenges than most
sexual people. There is considerable diversity among the asexual
community; each asexual person
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08.25.13
experiences things like relationships, attraction and arousal
somewhat differently.
Creating such a broad definition was an important part in the
establishment of the AVEN community, says Jay, whose eyes still
light up with excitement when he
talks about the birth and growth
of the asexual community so many
years later.
“I knew the word ‘asexual’ was
really powerful and validating,
but [I wanted] to avoid creating
“Everyone around me was
experiencing things that I wasn’t,
and it was scary and disorienting.”
a culture of telling people who
they needed to be to be part of
this community. I started talking about how identity is a tool
and not a label — an idea that you
should be able pick it up if it’s
useful to you and put it down if
it’s not, and one that you can redefine for yourself,” he said.
Today, AVEN, with an international membership of almost
70,000, is the largest asexuality
organization in the world. Described by its members as a safe
space for asexuals to discuss their
experiences with others, as well