Huffington Magazine Issue 63 | Page 40

A COMMUNITY IS BORN During his first year of college, Jay happened upon an article online that would change the course of his life — and the lives of thousands around the world. It was an article about asexuality, the first he’d ever seen. He was stunned. “The comments section was filled with people like me who were looking for a community,” he recalled. That year, Jay founded the Asexual Visibility and Education Network, arguably the first group of its kind. AVEN started small but quickly ballooned, creating what would become a tight-knit online community and kickstarting a conversation about asexuality and its implications for the wider world. A catch-all definition found on the AVEN website characterizes an asexual as “someone who does not experience sexual attraction.” The AVEN definition continues: Unlike celibacy, which people choose, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are. Asexuality does not make our lives any worse or any better, we just face a different set of challenges than most sexual people. There is considerable diversity among the asexual community; each asexual person HUFFINGTON 08.25.13 experiences things like relationships, attraction and arousal somewhat differently. Creating such a broad definition was an important part in the establishment of the AVEN community, says Jay, whose eyes still light up with excitement when he talks about the birth and growth of the asexual community so many years later. “I knew the word ‘asexual’ was really powerful and validating, but [I wanted] to avoid creating “Everyone around me was experiencing things that I wasn’t, and it was scary and disorienting.” a culture of telling people who they needed to be to be part of this community. I started talking about how identity is a tool and not a label — an idea that you should be able pick it up if it’s useful to you and put it down if it’s not, and one that you can redefine for yourself,” he said. Today, AVEN, with an international membership of almost 70,000, is the largest asexuality organization in the world. Described by its members as a safe space for asexuals to discuss their experiences with others, as well