Huffington Magazine Issue 57 | Page 47

HUFFINGTON 07.14.13 STRAIGHT TALK and personal “disaster.” Instead of helping Mathew overcome his shame and anxiety, John had grown ashamed of the experience and fearful about the possible repercussions for his career. M athew’s sessions with John took place once or twice a week, on the phone, between the fall of 2004 and the summer of 2007. John helped Mathew brainstorm strategies for learning how to “act straight.” They talked about how to dress like a straight guy, how to walk with confidence, how to make friends with the cool boys at Mathew’s school. The sessions weren’t limited to conversations about sexuality, and in recalling their work together John is still adamant that, in many respects, it wasn’t that different from conventional adolescent therapy. Mathew admired John and felt close to him. In Mathew’s imagination, John embodied a certain easy-going West Coast masculinity. He was young and put-together, and unlike another therapist whom Mathew had briefly seen in New York, John didn’t try to force religion on him. As far as Mathew knew, John had no religious background. Mathew wanted to believe the therapy could work, and he tried to follow John’s advice. When John told Mathew he identified too closely with female family members and friends, Mathew took steps to avoid speaking with his mother and sisters. When John encouraged him to establish more friendships with the straight boys at his school, he threw parties for hundreds of teenagers at his family’s Long Island mansion. A year into his therapy, he lost his virginity to a girl. John approved. Soon he was sleeping with women “left and right.” As Mathew put it recently, “The therapy was the best training ever in how to lead a double life.” Every day after school, Mathew WHEN JOHN TOLD MATHEW HE IDENTIFIED TOO CLOSELY WITH FEMALE FAMILY MEMBERS AND FRIENDS, MATHEW TOOK STEPS TO AVOID SPEAKING WITH HIS MOTHER AND SISTERS.