HUFFINGTON
07.14.13
STRAIGHT TALK
and personal “disaster.” Instead
of helping Mathew overcome
his shame and anxiety, John had
grown ashamed of the experience
and fearful about the possible repercussions for his career.
M
athew’s sessions with
John took place once
or twice a week, on the
phone, between the fall
of 2004 and the summer of 2007.
John helped Mathew brainstorm
strategies for learning how to “act
straight.” They talked about how
to dress like a straight guy, how
to walk with confidence, how to
make friends with the cool boys
at Mathew’s school. The sessions
weren’t limited to conversations
about sexuality, and in recalling
their work together John is still
adamant that, in many respects, it
wasn’t that different from conventional adolescent therapy. Mathew
admired John and felt close to him.
In Mathew’s imagination, John
embodied a certain easy-going
West Coast masculinity. He was
young and put-together, and unlike
another therapist whom Mathew
had briefly seen in New York, John
didn’t try to force religion on him.
As far as Mathew knew, John had
no religious background.
Mathew wanted to believe the
therapy could work, and he tried
to follow John’s advice. When
John told Mathew he identified
too closely with female family
members and friends, Mathew
took steps to avoid speaking with
his mother and sisters. When
John encouraged him to establish
more friendships with the straight
boys at his school, he threw parties for hundreds of teenagers at
his family’s Long Island mansion.
A year into his therapy, he lost his
virginity to a girl. John approved.
Soon he was sleeping with women
“left and right.”
As Mathew put it recently, “The
therapy was the best training ever
in how to lead a double life.”
Every day after school, Mathew
WHEN JOHN TOLD MATHEW HE
IDENTIFIED TOO CLOSELY WITH FEMALE
FAMILY MEMBERS AND FRIENDS, MATHEW
TOOK STEPS TO AVOID SPEAKING WITH
HIS MOTHER AND SISTERS.