Voices
At 12, I knew all about the
menstrual cycle, since my hippy
elementary school had spent an
obscene amount of time discussing it. We were given important
kernels of wisdom, like the fact
that we could indeed make mayonnaise while on our periods. And
we were made to pack prevention
kits, consisting of a pair of underwear and a pad, which we were
commanded to carry with us the
way a diabetic carries her insulin
shot. We were all fully prepared to
get our periods, except I wouldn’t
get my period that year.
I didn’t get my period because
I was 5 feet 6 inches tall and I
weighed 85 pounds. At 11, I was
diagnosed with anorexia and a
compulsive exercising disorder.
I don’t have an answer to why I
developed anorexia. All I have is
a series of clichéd responses. One
day I was a carefree child eating
chicken nuggets and curly fries.
The next, there was suddenly
nothing childlike about me and I
was too afraid to eat a baked apple
with cinnamon on it.
Some children refuse to eat
any food that isn’t white, while
others refuse to take off their
Halloween costumes and end up
dressed as Esmeralda all year
ISABELLA
HUFFINGTON
HUFFINGTON
03.17.13
long. At 11, I had rules too. I woke
up every morning at 5 so that I
could jump rope. I had to jump
1,000 times, and if I messed up
I had to start again. I always
messed up. My hair ties had to
match my socks. I would only go
to bed at numbers divisible by 5.
What I remember about being 11 is packing the same lunch
every day: three dried apricots,
eight pistachios and half of a Na-
Getting my period meant
I was healthy. And that was the
problem. I didn’t want to be
healthy; I wanted to be skinny.”
ture Valley “Oats ‘N Honey” bar.
I remember my hair falling out
in red, curly clumps in a London
salon. On my 12th birthday, I refused to eat my birthday cake,
and that is when my mother panicked, taking me to see a doctor
who told me if I didn’t gain 15
pounds, I would be hospitalized.
I remember going to lunch
with my mother afterwards and
her pushing the breadbasket towards me. I remember the bread
tasted like sawdust and stuck on
my tongue like a lump of flesh.