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HUFFINGTON
01.20.13
MUSIC
KIM
Eminem - “Kim”
Yikes.
STACY
ELEANOR (RIGBY)
SHARONA
The Beatles - “Eleanor Rigby”
The Knack - “My Sharona”
It was kind of the Beatles to give
Eleanor a last name, because if
we’re being honest, she lived a
pretty dreary life. She sat by the
window, no one came. She died,
no one came to her funeral.
It doesn’t really get much
creepier than this song, which
includes the line, “running
down the length of my thigh,
Sharona.” Good luck naming
your daughter Sharona now!
Fountains of Wayne “Stacy’s Mom”
No one wants to be
famous for having a
hot mom.
MANDY
Barry Manilow “Mandy”
No one wants to share
a name with a Barry
Manilow song.
JOLENE
STEPHANIE, CAROLINE, CANDY
The Velvet Underground - “Stephanie Says”
Lou Reed - “Caroline Says Parts I & II”
The Velvet Underground - “Candy Says”
Steph (really Steven, the band’s manager) “gave
half her (his) life to people she hates now.” Is
that the fate you’d wish upon a child? Caroline’s
suffering a similar fate, though she’s more
explicitly described as a speedfreak who gets
abused. And Candy? She hates herself.
Dolly Parton “Jolene”
Jolene’s a crazy
homewrecker! Avoid
her at all costs!
MACARENA
Los del Rio “Macarena”
Little-known fact:
Macarena is a
woman’s name.
Carry on.
LOLA
ROXANNE
The Kinks - “Lola”
The Police - “Roxanne”
She’s either Barry Manilow’s
showgirl (shudder) or a fast
young transgender woman
from the club, as in the Kinks’
song by the same name.
The thing about Roxanne is
that even if she doesn’t have
to put on the red light tonight,
she definitely has to some
other night.