Exit
THE
GILDED AGE
HUFFINGTON
11.04.12
Culture Wars Couples
ALBERT AND
EVELYN LOCHNER
ST. PAUL, MINNESOTA
EVELYN: I remember the first words
PETER CRITTENDALE
AND TALIA VELASQUEZ
DOUGLAS, ARIZONA
PETER: I had never seen a woman
so beautiful run so fast.
TALIA: I was trying to cross the
border into America at the time.
PETER: It was while slapping
cuffs on her that I noticed those
eyes. Those big, beautiful illegal
immigrant eyes.
TALIA: My people have a saying: “Life is a long road, with
many turns.”
PETER: Isn’t she great? I remember
kissing her the first time. It was
glorious, but also scary. Because
in the back of my head, I was
thinking, “Is she going to take
my job?”
ILLUSTRATIONS BY CHRISTOPH HITZ
he said to me: “You are going to rot
in hell, baby killer.”
ALBERT: This was right outside
the Planned Parenthood clinic
in St. Paul.
EVELYN: I just sort of kept on
walking into the clinic, like I didn’t
notice him. But there was totally
a connection.
ALBERT: It’s true. As she walked
out, I handed her my number.
EVELYN: He wrote it on the back of
a partial-birth abortion pamphlet.
ALBERT: And we both just knew.
JOHN AND SUSAN PAIGE
FORT COLLINS, COLORADO
SUSAN: I’ve always been for gun
control, and as a rule I don’t date
gun owners. But for whatever
reason, I made an exception.
JOHN: I have to admit, there was
something strangely alluring about
how she wanted to revoke my Second
Amendment rights.
SUSAN: We had this totally civil
discussion, even though there were
certain points where we disagreed.
JOHN: For example, she didn’t
understand that it’s my right as
an American to carry a concealed
weapon in an upscale bistro.
SUSAN: We laughed a lot, and we
learned a lot about each other. John,
for instance, can’t handle it when a
waiter approaches from behind and
begins reading the specials.
JOHN: I startle easily.