How to Coach Yourself and Others Techniques For Coaching | Page 9

3.1 ACTIVE LISTENING
Listening is an art. A lot of people stop talking and in their
mind they're already trying to think of what they're going to
say next. That is not really listening. If you are (pre)occupied
with your own thoughts, then there is no room for the
coachee anymore. Not really.
And even if you are listening and not busy with your own
thoughts on the matter, listening is so much more than just
hearing the words and being able to repeat them. To get the
essence of what's being said -the words behind the words, is
just as important, if not more so. While the coachee is telling
his story, try to also listen for things like a slip of the tongue,
jokes, omissions, recurring themes, metaphors and
contradictions. They can speak volumes.
Apart from the intonations you can pick out the different
emotions in the coachee's voice. Body language and other
signals can strengthen or weaken the story. Contradictions
are called incongruence and the coach can either keep these
in mind or ask about them. Make sure you do this carefully,
so the coachee won't feel caught out.
In active listening, the coach has an open and alert attitude,
he's completely there for the coachee and is peeling his ears,
so to speak.
To listen empathically means the coach shows a lot of
understanding for what the coachee is experiencing and in a
way he manages to convey this warm understanding to the
coachee, who can appreciate it.
Before asking questions, we must learn to listen attentively
and effectively. Active listening includes a number of

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