How to Coach Yourself and Others Techniques For Coaching | Page 217
3.21 SELF DISCLOSURE
Coachees often are under the impression that they are the only ones
struggling with that kind of problem. Though they may have heard of or
read about similar cases, that has not led to recognition or helped them
develop a better strategy. Because they have been going round in
circles, they are unable to see a way out. In such cases, it can be useful
to tell them of similar things from your own experience. The purpose
is to show them a solution is possible.
Self-disclosure can also be used to a degree to strengthen the bond with
the coachee, i.e. if it would help the coachee to know that the coach has
gone through a similar experience. You can also use self-disclosure to
break the ice or to make sure the coachee doesn't put you on a pedestal.
Make sure self-disclosure is done in such a way that the coachee doesn't
get the impression everybody can handle the situation, except him.
Don't disclose things about yourself that you haven't come to terms
with, otherwise the coachee might start feeling he really should coach
you instead of the other way around.
This use of self cannot be taught in a prescriptive or normative manner,
since each coach will draw on unique personal experiences and
knowledge, and each coaching encounter will present unique
constellations of opportunity for the coach’s use of self.
Change through relationship
Gestalt holds that change happens through relationship. The
importance of the quality of the relationship between coach/client is
not exclusive to Gestalt of course (e.g. De Haan, 2008), but Gestalt does
bring a perspective, which is quite different from conventional wisdom.
To Perls, the ‘self ’ is not a semi-fixed entity that endures over time.
Instead ‘self ’ is a process, always in flux and totally contextual, it is a
function of what gets evoked in the interaction between individuals
under the unique set of circumstances of that particular interaction
(Perls, 1978). Simply put, the ‘me’ that I experience when I am with my
boss is likely to be different in some respect from the ‘me’ that I
534