How to Coach Yourself and Others Influencing, Inter Personal and Leadership Skills | Page 81

5. Reacting Skills
Another important skill area in building influence relationships is reacting skills: the
ability to react appropriately to another person’s point of view after you understand it.
The ability to react effectively is important because influence relationships develop when
both parties feel that their ideas are important to the other. Reacting effectively
encourages open communication and trust.
Typically, there are three gut reactions you may have to someone’s idea or suggestion:
 Agree
 Disagree
 Think of ways to enhance the idea
No matter what your gut reaction, the important thing is to react to it in a way that is
both honest and maintains a positive climate for future communication. There are three
skills that will allow you to do this:
 Agreeing
If you like the person’s idea, say so. But make sure you state both what you like and
why you like it. For example, you might say, “I like your idea of – because -.” By
communicating the value that the idea has for you (i.e., why you like it), you give the
person additional reinforcement for offering the idea.
 Constructive Disagreement
When people suggest ideas, they hope that their ideas will be liked. But that isn’t always
the case. Sometimes the response is disagreement. People often find it difficult to state
their disagreement, however. Either they don’t want to hurt the person’s feelings, or
they don’t like to say “no,” or they don’t know how to say “no” diplomatically.
The result is that they sometimes take inappropriate actions, such as postponing giving
an answer, going along with an unacceptable idea, or implying that the disagreement
stems from someone else (e.g., “I don’t think they will let us do that”).
If disagreement is not handled correctly, the person can become defensive or the
possibility of future discussions may be dampened. The self-esteem of the person should
be a major concern.
Partial agreement
If your reaction is that you see value in the idea but have some reservations (agree with
parts and disagree with others), use constructive disagreement. Here’s how:
1. Identify the value.
For example, you might say, “What I like about your idea is -.” If you listened carefully,
you’ll understand both the idea and why the person thinks that it’s a good one.
Identifying the value in the idea lets the person know that you are listening, which will
help the person hear your concerns.