How to Coach Yourself and Others Influencing, Inter Personal and Leadership Skills | Page 26

basis, be sure you use the correct version of their name. Is it Robert, Rob, or Bob? Find
out so you don’t cause barriers to building rapport with this technique.
Don’t overuse it. Saying someone’s name is an effective way to draw attention to a
specific point. But if you use it in every other sentence, you’re going to become obvious.
There is a delicate balance to how frequently you use their name, so take care not to
abuse it.
3. Mind reading
With this tool, you indicate with your word choice that you know what the other person
is thinking. If you are accurate, you’ve strengthened your rapport and you can manage
an objection to what you are proposing to them before it is voiced. You can use language
to persuade someone that they really do feel the way you are suggesting.
With this technique you us language to persuade someone that they feel the way you
are suggesting.
Examples:
o

I know you believe this might be difficult, but it will be worth it.

o I understand that you are concerned about the outcome, but your careful preparation
will ensure success.
o Many people feel, as you do, that it’s important to demonstrate integrity in our work
and product.
4. Lost Performative
In this case, you are stating a value judgment that omits identifying the person who is
doing the judging. This makes it a neutral, easy to agree with statement. It is called the
lost performative because there is no indication of the source of the information. You are
actually increasing your ability to control the conversation without taking and
misinterpreting the other person’s point of view.
In this technique you make a neutral, easy to agree with statement with no indication of
the source of the information.
Examples:
o
o

It’s a fact that people like people who are like themselves.
It’s good to know that the economy is getting better.

5. Cause and effect relationships
This helps you put across a message when you want the other person to see the effect
of what you are talking about. For example:
o
o
o

Seeing you come in late makes me feel you don’t care
Coaching will help you learn many skills
Attending this meeting will create changes

6. Presuppostion
A presupposition is something that you haven’t stated but that is assumed to be present
or true for your statement to be understood. For example: