How to Coach Yourself and Others Influencing, Inter Personal and Leadership Skills | Page 147
Part 2: Private Victory
Chapter 3: Habit 1, Be Proactive
Correcting Pavlov’s Theory: Between every stimulus and response lies our
choice. “Our behavior is a function of our decisions, not our conditions. We can
subordinate feelings to values (71).”
Proactivity: Rather than moaning about what has happened to us, choose how
you want it to affect you. Any time we think the problem is “out there,” that is
the problem (89). We must learn that humans are responsible and are therefore
response-able. I must acknowledge that I am
where I am
because of me.
Circle of Concern and Influence: If you focus on
your circle of influence, you improve what you can,
and eventually your success will increase your Circle of Influence. If you focus on
the Circle of Concern, you only dwell on that which you cannot change and
eventually decrease your Circle of Influence.
The point is that you can always do something; therefore focus on what you can
address and be at peace with you cannot.
We are free to choose actions, but not consequences. Do what you can to bring
about change and do not beat yourself up over the response or lack thereof.
Chapter 4: Habit 2, Begin with the End in Mind
Habit 1 taught us that we can write our own script, Habit 2 is writing it. This is
not a step of “getting it done,” this is a step of clearly articulating what you want
to end up with. If you do not right your own script, someone else will –your
dependence on others, need for love or acceptance, need for a sense of worth or
belonging will enable others to control the direction of your life.
Familiarize yourself with your principles and values –these will never change.
o
Consider what you would want said at your funeral by family, friend, coworker, and church member.
o
“People can’t live with change if there’s not a changeless core inside them.
The key to the ability to change is a changeless sense of who you are, what
you are about and what you value (108).”
Avoid the activity trap: we often work harder, do more, and maximize efficiency
only to climb a ladder that we later realize was leaned up against the wrong wall.
Our hyper activity blinded us to the things that we value most, the things that are
now gone (98-99).
Write a mission statement of what you want to be and do based upon
your principles/values.
Having a “center” to who you are
o
Your center is your principles and values mixed with your mission.
o
Varying circumstances do not affect your center.
o
Making family, work, church, self, or money your exclusive center will result
in lopsided decisions. See page 126-127 for an example, page 119-121 for
an explanation of each false center, and page 124 for what it means to be
centered on your principles