How to Coach Yourself and Others How To Perform On The Job Coaching | Page 83

Giving Feedback Using Observations, Feelings, Needs, and Requests
Based on the work of Marshal Rosenberg, author of “Nonviolent Communication: A Language of
Life”
Observations
Clearly state what you see, hear, touch, feel, smell, taste, etc.
Be specific as to time and context. When and where did this occur?
o What were the exact words said? Or what exactly did you see?
Separate your observation from any evaluation or judgment.
o Ask yourself, “Could a video camera see my observation?”
Feelings
Express feelings, rather than thoughts disguised as feelings.
o “I feel embarrassed.” rather than “I feel like an idiot.”
Find feelings that you can own, rather than what someone is doing to you.
o “I was irritated because I need to contribute.” rather than “I felt manipulated..
Beware of words that label or blame yourself.
o “I’m discouraged because I want to contribute.” Instead of “I feel incompetent around him.”
Take responsibility for your feelings. No one “makes” you mad or bored.
 Denying responsibility: “He made me so mad when he was late.”
 Taking responsibility: “I was annoyed/irritated/angry when you came 15minutes late
without calling”.
Needs
When we identify needs instead of blaming ourselves or others, we can start building positive
relationships.
￿ Needs are universal, common to all cultures, genders, races and countries.
￿ Differentiate between Strategies and Needs
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Strategy: I need a car.
Need: I need efficiency and ease to get to work
Strategy: I need a new computer
Need: I need dependability and security to work efficiency

Requests
After we observe and identify feelings/needs, make clear request.
The clearer we are about what we want, the more likely it is that we’ll get it.
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Ask yourself “What is my intention in making this request?”
Use specific language. “Can you be more considerate?” becomes “Are you willing to call us
if you are going to be more than 5 minutes late?”
Frame requests in the positive (it’s hard to do a “don’t”)
Use a time frame where possible. “Are you able to get that report to me by 5PM today?”

There are two types of requests:
1. Action Request: A specific do-able action.
2. Connection Request: Invites more dialogue.
“Would you be willing to tell me what you heard me say?”

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