How to Coach Yourself and Others From Dependency to Inter Dependency | Page 20

6. Synergize
Synergy means that differences are the source of creating new things. When two parties co-operate in a
creative way, the form a whole together which is greater than the sum of its parts. In fact, their relationship is a part in and of itself. Not only a part, but the most catalytic, the most empowering, unifying
and exciting part.
Compromise means 1 + 1 = 1, because both parties give up something in order to reach an agreement.
To the individual party, compromise even means 1 + 1 = ½, because they end up with less than they
started with.
Synergy means 1 + 1 may equal 3, 8, … or even 2.425 because it produces solutions which are better
than any originally proposed outcome, and all parties know it.
Synergy however requires trust, a high emotional bank account, thinking win-win and seeking first to
understand.
People genuinely enjoy the creative enterprise. They feel freed from all kinds of fears and restrictions.
Instead of communicating in respectful, careful and predictable ways, they become open and authentic
and communicate in creative, synergistic, open ways, valuing and transcending differences.
The attitude is: “If a person of your intelligence, competence and commitment disagrees with

me, then there must be something one of us does not see or understand and we have to find
out what.”
Oneness, or unity, is complementariness, not sameness.
A lot of people think that all reality is amenable to their paradigms. They don’t realize that the very
strength of a relationship is in having other points of view. Sameness is not oneness, uniformity not
unity. Sameness is uncreative and boring.
Valuing the differences is the essence of synergy. And the key to value the mental, emotional,
psychological … differences between people is to realize that all people see the world, not as it is, but as
they are.
Life is not about either / or
Almost always there are Third Alternatives; but unless we value the differences in perception, we will
never be able to transcend the limits of our conditioning.
Synergy is particularly powerful in dealing with negative forces that work against growth and change.
Driving forces generally are positive, reasonable, logical, conscious and economic.
In juxtaposition, restraining forces are often negative, emotional, illogical, unconscious and
social/psychological.
Both sets of forces must be taken into account: increasing the driving forces alone is not enough. The
restraining forces need to be unfrozen and loosened up. New insights must be created, that actually
transform those restraining forces into driving ones.