How to Coach Yourself and Others Essential Knowledge For Coaching | Page 50

3. Reflect back to the client behaviors that might be a sign of
resistance, of which the client may be unaware. “You’ve been
[late to your sessions] [cancelled] three times now. Is there
anything going on that you are having a hard time with that may
be uncomfortable to look at?” Or “You’ve had the same situation
going on with your last three jobs. Do you see any connection
between what’s going on out there and what’s happening inside
of you?”
4. Dealing with “Yes, but. . . ”s: “I’ve made three suggestions for
reframes on your situation that could help you feel freer and
move beyond what is troubling you, and you’ve answered “Yes,
but. . . “ to each of them. Are you really ready or willing to get
beyond this?”
5. Illuminate cost and payoff. “What do you think is the payoff for
you continuing to feud with your ex-? What is the cost? What
would be the payoff of harmonizing? What would be the cost?”
6. Direct approach: “I have been working with you on this for
_______ length of time now, and it sounds to me like you have a
pretty strong investment, for whatever reason, in this situation
continuing. Is there any way you can see yourself shifting on
this? I hope you will. If not, let’s not talk about this anymore, and
let’s turn our attention to issues you’d rather make progress on.”
You may even tell the client that you do not see anything more
you can do for her at this point, and if she wants to continue
coaching, you will need to see some movement.
7. Tune into your intuition. The above suggestions may all work
in different situations, yet every coaching situation is unique. If
you sincerely ask inside yourself, you will receive guidance as to
how to deal with a particular form or moment of resistance.
Sometimes you may need to be gentle and soft, and other
situations may require a firmer stand or compassionate
confrontation. Set your intention that your sessions will be

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