How to Coach Yourself and Others Essential Knowledge For Coaching | Page 437

Four Survival Stances
Satir observed that people developed one of four distinct “survival
stances,” or some combination of these, in attempt to cope with their
problems: (1) Placating; (2) Blaming; (3) Super-reasonable; and (4)
Irrelevant.
A fifth “stance” that she identified was
not really a stance, but rather her
definition for what mental health
looked like for a person, increasingly
so, once they made the transforming
choice of becoming more fully human.

Congruent and Fully Human
A healthy person was first and foremost authentic in the how they
related to self and others, in that they: appreciated uniqueness; flowed
with interpersonal energy; were willing to take risks; were willing to be
vulnerable; were open to intimacy; felt free to accept self and others;
loved self and others; and were also flexible and self-aware.
A healthy person also:
 Communicates congruently with their words, emotions and bodies.
 Makes conscious choices based on awareness, acknowledgment, and
acceptance of self, other, and context.
 Replies to questions directly, evaluates before passing judgement,
and listens to own “wisdom box.”
 Expresses sexual vitality, and names desires openly.
 Makes requests of others without having to explain themselves.
 Makes honest choices, and takes risks on own behalf.

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