How to Coach Yourself and Others Essential Knowledge For Coaching | Page 161

replied, “If someone offers you a gift, and you decline to accept it,
to whom does the gift belong?” If someone is irrational, abusive,
etc., you can mentally decline to accept “the gift.” Let that person
keep their anger and insanity, and don’t let it affect you. This
takes practice, but there are many mental imagery techniques
that can help. I usually visualize the anger as a red energy that
bounces off me or passes through me and simply returns to the
source. This is a message to my subconscious mind to
acknowledge that the anger belongs completely to the other
person. So this part tackles the other person’s effect on my
emotional state. And it works very well. I never lose my cool
unless I’m doing it on purpose for some specific reason.
Sometimes it’s better to respond to an angry person with some
shouting of your own and then slowly bring them back down. I
also mentally acknowledge that it’s probably a lack of love and
happiness in their life that causes them to behave as they do.
2) Now that you’ve gotten your emotions handled, you still have
to deal with the practicalities of this person and their effect on
your life. Sometimes it’s enough to just manage your emotions,
but other times that isn’t enough — you need to take action to
address the situation. In this case I use my logic and intelligence
to decide what to do, depending on the specifics of the situation.
It’s like playing a game of chess — if I do this, then how will this
person react? Even with irrational and hurtful people, their
behavior is often predictable to some degree if you know a little
about them. Human behavior is purposeful, but it can be hard to
figure out the other person’s intentions. Use what you do know
to anticipate their responses to various possible actions you
might take. Your information may be imperfect, but do the best
you can. Think of it as an exercise in risk management. Here are
some possible actions:
 Remove the person from your life. This is a bit extreme, but
sometimes it’s the best option. If your landlord is really bad,
consider moving. If your boss or coworkers are terrible, leave.
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