How to Coach Yourself and Others Empowering Coaching And Crisis Interventions | Page 85

This book is in B&W, not color - Print page in Grayscale for Correct view! Helping Clients Get on Track Counsellors need to shift their own thinking away from believing that they have to stay with clients until the clients’ problems are solved and their lives are in order. For example, counsellors might assist clients to organize their thinking about grieving, but the process of grieving is normal and might last a long time, and counsellors do not have to be present for the entire grieving process (Walter & Peller, 1994). Counselling ends with the client still grieving but with a much greater sense of control and of being on track. If clients have a plan in mind for dealing with their problems, they have the capacity to put that plan into action. Moreover, if they are already implementing that process, counsellors should consider getting out of their way. Looking for Exceptions Huber and Backlund (1991) propose working with the exceptions to the times when clients are having difficulty. They contend that regardless of the severity of their clients’ problems, there are moments when clients are managing their troubles. Moments when anxious persons feel calm, acting-out children listen to their parents, and angry people are peaceful can all be studied to discover potentially successful answers to chronic problems. Huber and Backlund believe that clients become fixated on their problems and on what doesn’t work. By doing so, they often fail to notice those times when their problems have abated. In fact, they often continue to repeat or exaggerate “solutions” that have already proved unworkable. Using this exceptions approach, counsellors ask clients to focus on those moments, however rare, when they are coping successfully. So when clients are asked, “What is different about those occasions when your child obeys you or at least responds more receptively to your requests?” or “What is different about those times that you’re not angry or only minimally upset?” the counsellor is requesting that clients report on experiences to which they have paid almost no attention. Consequently, they have given little or no credence to the more successful manner in which they were resolving what at other times they experienced as a persistent difficulty (Huber and Backlund, 1991, p. 66). Working with exceptions provides a dramatic and quick way to motivate and energize clients to think about solutions rather than problems. In the following brief excerpt, the counsellor uses the technique to assist a client who is having trouble dealing with her teenage son. Counsellor: From what you’ve been saying, it’s a rare moment when you and your son can sit together and talk calmly. Client: Maybe once or twice in the last year. Counsellor: Let’s look at those two times. I’m really curious about what was different about them that enabled you to talk without fighting. Pick one time that worked best. Client: That’s easy. My son was excited because he was going to a rock concert, and he was in a really good mood. I felt more relaxed too. He just seemed more approachable that day. Counsellor: Have you considered that part of your success might have to do with your mood? Perhaps your son was more approachable because you were more relaxed. Client: Interesting point. Counsellor: Let’s explore that a bit further. Because you were more relaxed, what else was different about the way you handled this encounter? Client: I didn’t feel stressed, so I think I was more open to listening to him. Counsellor: What were you doing differently? Client: I let him talk without jumping in to argue. For [email protected] Property of Bookemon, do NOT distribute 85