How to Coach Yourself and Others Empowering Coaching And Crisis Interventions | Page 49

This book is in B&W, not color - Print page in Grayscale for Correct view! Examples of Open-Ended Questions  “Tell me what you like about your [insert risky/problem behavior].”  “What’s happened since we last met?”  “What makes you think it might be time for a change?”  “What brought you here today?”  “What happens when you behave that way?”  “How were you able to not use [insert substance] for [insert time frame]?”  “Tell me more about when this first began.”  “What’s different for you this time?”  “What was that like for you?”  “What’s different about quitting this time?” REFLECTIVE LISTENING Rationale: Reflective listening is the primary way of responding to clients and of building empathy. Reflective listening involves listening carefully to clients and then making a reasonable guess about what they are saying; in other words, it is like forming a hypothesis. The therapist then paraphrases the clients’ comments back to them (e.g., “It sounds like you are not ready to quit smoking cigarettes.”). Another goal in using reflective listening is to get clients to state the arguments for change (i.e., have them give voice to the change process), rather than the therapist trying to persuade or lecture them that they need to change (e.g., “So, you are saying that you want to leave your husband, and on the other hand, you worry about hurting his feelings by ending the relationship. That must be difficult for you. How do you imagine the two of you would feel in 5 years if things remain the same?”). Reflections also validate what clients are feeling and doing so communicates that the therapist understands what the client has said (i.e., “It sounds like you are feeling upset at not getting the job.”). When therapists’ reflections are correct, clients usually respond affirmatively. If the guess is wrong (e.g., “It sounds like you don’t want to quit smoking at this time.”), clients usually quickly disconfirm the hypothesis (e. g. “No, I do want to quit, but I am very dependent and am concerned about major withdrawals and weight gain.”). Examples of Reflective Listening (generic)  “It sounds like….”  “What I hear you saying…”  “So on the one hand it sounds like …. And, yet on the other hand….”  “It seems as if….”  “I get the sense that….”  “It feels as though….” For [email protected] Property of Bookem on, do NOT distribute 49