How to Coach Yourself and Others Coaching With Meta Communication | Page 70

Mistake #1: Talking too 'serious' around women
Chances are you didn't catch her eye by being Mister Serious. You were probably laughing and joking around (in other
words, being yourself) with your friends. But, when you walk up to her, you think she wants to see that you are
composed, sophisticated, and you can carry a mature conversation.
Solution -- Be yourself. Don't be afraid to open with a crazy question that one of your friends just asked you. If she
laughs, you're in. You don't need to walk up to her and pretend that you have it 'together.' Don't try to be something you
are not -- most women can see right through it. The less you care about the situation, the less nervous you'll be.

Mistake #2: Asking boring questions
So, what do you do for work? Yawn.
If you want to shoot down your chance of moving past the handshake, then keep
firing off the 'Top 20 Small Talk Questions to Ask When Meeting Someone New.' It
works at Christmas parties and church picnics, but not when you are trying to get the
phone number of the hottie in the coffee shop.
Solution -- Ask questions that demand more than a one-word or one sentence
answer. Ask questions that might reveal something about that person. Ask questions
that challenge (but certainly not insult) a person. That is how REAL conversation is
started.

Mistake #3: Communicating too directly
“I'll call you tomorrow around lunch time…” STOP, what you are doing, and leave a little bit to the imagination.
Telling her every little thing takes the game out of it -- for both of you. Men constantly give away too much when they
talk to women, and it works to their disadvantage. Provide too much information, and it might just be more than she
wants to hear.
Solution -- Listen more, talk less. Don't give away the details. Women are naturally attracted to the chase, so you might
as well give it to her. They cannot resist wondering… “When is he going to call… Is he going to call… ??”

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