How to Coach Yourself and Others Coaching Families

of progress has been established, negotiating new growth along that trajectory, and goal-setting. The negotiating process expands the possibilities toward building solutions or dissolving the problems. 7. EXCEPTION SEEKING QUESTIONS Proponents of SFBT insist that there are always times when the problem is less severe or absent for the client. The counsellor seeks to encourage the client to describe what different circumstances exist in that case, or what the client did differently. The goal is for the client to repeat what has worked in the past, and to help them gain confidence in making improvements for the future. 8. COPING QUESTIONS Coping questions are designed to elicit information about client resources that will have gone unnoticed by them. Even the most hopeless story has within it examples of coping that can be drawn out: "I can see that things have been really difficult for you, yet I am struck by the fact that, even so, you manage to get up each morning and do everything necessary to get the kids off to school. How do you do that?" Genuine curiosity and admiration can help to highlight strengths without appearing to contradict the clients view of reality. The initial summary "I can see that things have been really difficult for you" is for them true and validates their story. The second part "you manage to get up each morning etc.", is also a truism, but one that counters the problem focused narrative. Undeniably, they cope and coping questions start to gently and supportively challenge the problem-focused narrative. coping questions are A strategy to explore what has occurred that is responsible for not making things get worse; in other words, how family members have coped with the problem situation so that, at the very least, things are the same and not worse. In explaining how things haven’t gotten worse, the clients usually allude to something being done correctly, even if minimally. It is that kind of minor breakthrough that often allows the therapist to expand upon the positive event that has actualized in the problem situation. Potentially, that breakthrough can be a gateway to more positive developments, thus moving the therapeutic conversation forward in search of more solutions toward resolving the problem or toward dissolving the problem. The strategy of coping questions could be employed in many areas of therapy, but it is particularly useful as a tool with difficult clients. Often clients adamantly decline invitations to speak about the times in the past when exceptions to their problem existed (i.e., periods of time when the problem was not present). They also can be vehemently opposed to any therapeutic plan of action, which can be frustrating for the therapist. One possible source for motivating the client to move forward in the therapeutic conversation is the introduction and use of coping sequences. They are introduced by coping sequence questions. Example of the Use of Introductory Coping Questions With families that . . . do not respond well . . . I shift gears and mirror their pessimistic stance by asking them: “How come things aren’t worse?”; “What are you and others doing to keep this situation from getting worse?” Once the parents respond with some specific exceptions, I shift gears again and amplify these problem-solving strategies and ask: “Howdid you come up with that idea!?”; “How did you do that!?”; “What will you have to continue to do to get that to happen more often?” (Selekman, 1993, pp. 65–66) The employment of a coping sequence involves exploring the problem at its present level of intensity and why the problem has remained at that particular level. In short, why hasn’t it gotten any worse? In explaining how it hasn’t gotten worse, the client usually alludes to something having been done right—even if minimally. It is that kind of minor breakthrough that now allows the therapist to expand on the positive action that is actualized in the problem situation. Potentially, that breakthrough can be a gateway to more positive developments, thus moving the therapeutic conversation forward in search of more solutions toward resolving the problem or toward dissolving the problem. Example of a Coping Sequence Therapist: What brings you here today? 264

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