How to Coach Yourself and Others Coaching Families | Page 252

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Emotional cut off can have the illusion of appearing like differentiation. They are similar in that a person is
realizing that their thoughts and feelings are different from their families. However, the difference is that people
who are emotionally cut off are no longer connected. The classic example of emotional cut off is the family
member who moves to another state or country just to “get away from his crazy relatives.” While this may seem
on the surface like maturity, is actually not as mature as being able to maintain that same sense of separateness
while remaining in contact with one’s family. The truly differentiated person is not so threatened that they need
to travel hundreds of miles away and change their phone number in order to maintain their separateness. They
are able to be around those who think and feel differently, while not being negatively affected. I believe that
emotional cut off is sometimes a precursor to differentiation. Sometimes it is easier to be comfortable “at home”
after going away and having and “away home” experience. (Brent Henrikson)

 THE EMPTY CHAIR
The empty chair technique, most often utilized by Gestalt therapists (Perls, Hefferline, & Goodman, 1985), has
been adapted to family therapy. In one scenario, a partner may express his or her feelings to a spouse (empty
chair), then play the role of the spouse and carry on a dialogue. Expressions to absent family, parents, and
children can be arranged through utilizing this technique.

 ENACTMENT
The process of enactment consists of families bringing problematic behavioural sequences into treatment by
showing them to the therapist a demonstrative transaction. This method is to help family members to gain
control over behaviours they insist are beyond their control. The result is that family members experience their
own transactions with heightened awareness. In examining their roles, members often adapt new, more
functional ways of acting.

 FAMILY CHOREOGRAPHY
In family choreography, arrangements go beyond initial sculpting; family members are asked to position
themselves as to how they see the family and then to show how they would like the family situation to be.
Family members may be asked to re-enact a family scene and possibly re-sculpt it to a preferred scenario. This
technique can help a stuck family and create a lively situation.

 FAMILY CONTRACT
The family contract is a therapeutic tool that allows families to negotiate terms and come to an agreement on
how they want to handle future family problems and to commit to positive change. A family contract, for
example, may detail that a child who copes with an eating disorder commits to talking about her feelings on
weight, eating and social perception. Her parents will then commit to listening and not dismissing her feelings.
All parties commit to working together to build self-esteem and a healthy lifestyle.
Family contracts are a positive tool in the arsenal of a family systems psychologist because they are facilitated
agreement that a family makes to avoid future dysfunction. The family contract also helps family members
recognize when problems are occurring, particularly if elements of the contract are not being upheld. Effective
family therapy techniques treat the entire family as an emotional unit of which each family member is a part of
and acknowledges that what affects one member of the family affects the whole family. By treating the whole
family as a unit, the family also becomes a part of the solution.

 FAMILY COUNCIL MEETINGS
Family council meetings are organized to provide specific times for the family to meet and share with one
another. The therapist might prescribe council meetings as homework, in which case a time is set and rules are
outlined. The council should encompass the entire family, and any absent members would have to abide by

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