How to Coach Yourself and Others Coaching Families | Page 251
any dysfunction or problem in the group dynamic requires effective communication so that all members of the
group or family are in touch with each other.
For example, the mother who commits to more and more tasks in order to compensate for her family's
overextending commitments may stretch herself to the limits because she lacks the ability to communicate how
stretched thin she is. Instead, she promises to do more and more, exerting increasing emotional and mental stress
upon herself when she cannot meet all the commitments she is making. This leads to disappointment and
disagreement in the family. When other members of the family express their disappointment, this impacts her
already damaged sense of self-worth leading to a vicious cycle that may result in depression, generalized
anxiety disorder, substance abuse and more. In every way, however, the family is not happy. Therapists teach
effective communication skills and the importance for mom to let the family know she is overextended and that
she either needs help or they need to rearrange priorities in order to break out of the circular causality of this
family's problems.
Effective communication allows a family to dialogue on their problems, concerns and feelings without lashing
out or feeling obligated to resolve the problems being shared. A large portion of effective communication
resides in active listening, a skill that must be learned.
EMOTIONAL CUT-OFF
Bowen's term for flight from an unresolved emotional attachment
Examples of emotional cut-off
A man refuses to speak to his sister for 15 years. The reason? At the time of their mother's death, he was
left alone to care for her as she died. Then, to add insult to injury, her sister questioned his family
loyalty.
After years of criticism and rejection, a wife decides not to speak to her in-laws anymore, a decision that
causes chronic problems in her marriage.
The child of a close-knit family moves across the country and only communicates with the family
through greeting cards on holidays.
Emotional cut-off is a process in which one or both parties in a relationship effectively terminate that
relationship in response to uncomfortable feelings between them. It's not uncommon within familie 2