How to Coach Yourself and Others Coaching Families | Page 220
Jane: Well when the keys got taken off us, I said Jack and Jodie had to knock on my door, but they never
did, especially him. So mum said we would have to play down stairs all the time, which didn’t last long,
because when I had a friend round I wanted to go upstairs.
Th: So Jack, your sister says you have all being trying hard with ideas about this, can you tell me any other
things that have been tried?
Jack: Nothing else.
Th: Well can you think of other things you think might help which you haven’t tried yet?
Jack: No, nothing seems to work.
Th: Imagine in a month’s time Jane and Jodie had stopped coming into your room, what would have had to
happened to make that possible?
Jack: Well mum might have really told them off when they did it, and said no TV and stuff like that.
Th: Jodie do you think that would stop Jack coming into your room if your mum said that to him?
Jodie: No, he would do it anyway.
Th: What do you think might help Jack to stop coming in?
Jodie: No computer.
Amplify change:
In order to maximise the change or potential change that is occurring throughout the course of therapy it
will be important for the therapist to focus on statements the family present about progress. Initially these
aspects may be minimal, or presented in a manner by the family which denies the magnitude of the effort or
progress they have made. The therapist should focus on descriptions of actions where the family could be
seen to have initiated or implemented change, in a manner which is positive but sensitive to the family’s
level of confidence that change has occurred.
Example:
A 10-year old boy (Jake) is talking about a time when he and he had been pleased about his behaviour,
against a context of difficulties in relationships and communication with his father, as well as difficulties at
school. The therapist explores the event in more detail to emphasise the success and implications of this for
their relationship.
Jake: Well last Thursday we went to the park, and I went on a school trip, and we got to go on a fair ride,
and the teacher said I had been really good.
Th: That sounds like a really nice time, does your mum know about this?
Jake: Yeah, I told her what the teacher had said.
Th: How did your mum react to the good news?
Jake: She was pleased I think.
Th: How did you know? How could you tell your mum was pleased?
Jake: She looked quite happy, and she said we could go to McDonalds on the way home.
Th: (to mother) So you were able to show Jake how pleased you were, how did you feel he responded to
that?
Fa: I was quite surprised actually, we went to McDonalds and he didn’t play up at all, and he told me about
the day, which is a bit of a first for him.
Th: So you noticed you were able to talk more together, what made that possible?
Fa: Well I don’t know, really.
Th: Did you notice you were more relaxed at all?
Fa: Well I suppose that did help, we had a bit of time together because we were out just the two of us, and I
wasn’t wound up so much, cause I was really pleased that he had behaved himself all day?
Th: What would make it possible for you to both find other times in the week when you could have a bit
more time just the two of you, to feel more relaxed and talk.
Enhance mastery:
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