How to Coach Yourself and Others Coaching Families | Page 216
Example:
Father and stepmother in the family are talking about their parents’ beliefs about childcare, in relation to
being offered numerous solutions from grandparents and friends about how to manage the teenage years.
The therapist is trying to explore ideas about childcare, where these have developed from, and how they
might develop in the future.
Fa: Well my mother would have a lot to say about that. I mean if we were ever like that there was a firm
hand. We would have never have got away with it.
Th: And where do you think your ideas and values about how to manage the children come from, your own
parents?
Fa: Well, not really so much from my parents, I mean I would disagree with a lot of their ideas about how to
do things. I think really I have got more of my guides from the church, that’s what has really shaped me.
Th: And when was it you started to take on the ideas of the church.
Fa: Well I suppose in my late teens, early twenties really, but I have always been interested. Jane
(stepmother) has been going since a child and I would say your family were more strongly Christian than
mine were, wouldn’t you?
Mo: Yes, I have always gone to church.
Th: What are the values from the church that have influenced you as parents?
Mo: Well really a sense of sharing, we feel it’s important for us both to take some interest in the children,
and show them we care, not just one or other of us. But, I don’t know whether we always manage it.
Th: (to the teenage children) When you two are parents where do you think your values will come from?
Son: Well neither of them, well… I suppose I am a bit like dad, maybe I’d be a bit like him.
Th: (To son) And if you were a parent, in their situation as parents now, what might you advise them to do?
The exploration of family beliefs should be used by the therapist to look at a range of family activities, and
not just the presenting difficulties.
Therapists should explore the family’s beliefs in relation to:
The presenting difficulties.
E.g. What ideas has your wife come up with to explain the behaviour John is
showing?
How do you understand the idea that James is less concerned about the
behaviour than Jill?
Relationships within the family and with the wider system.
E.g. Who feels it is most important to keep liasing with the school over this issue?
What would your church say about how families cope with loss and bereavement?
Solutions that have been tried or hypothesised.
E.g. What gave you the confidence to keep going with this new idea?
What gave you the idea to try and tackle things in this manner?
Successes in all areas of family life and relationships to the wider system.
E.g. Would that be judged as a success in your family?
If John’s grandparents were here would they see that as a success, or would
they have different ideas about success?
Therapy process, beliefs about therapy
E.g. What led to your decision not to bring the children to today’s meeting?
In what ways do you think Jill was disappointed with the therapy she went to last year?
Family behaviour during therapy.
E.g. Jill is looking distressed, what do you think was so upsetting for her in talking
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