How to Coach Yourself and Others Coaching Families | Page 207
are respectful of family, therapist and team members,
hold a tentative and curious stance,
stay connected to the ideas of the previous contributor,
stay connected with the language used by the family,
use age appropriate language,
do not overwhelm the family with too many ideas,
keep the duration of the reflecting team to no more than 10 minutes.
6.
The therapist should take responsibility for monitoring the effect of the reflecting team on the family.
7.
The family should always be given the opportunity to offer their comments on the therapy team’s
reflections and ideas.
8.
Feedback should be gained from the family about how comfortable and useful they found the process
of the reflecting team, and the ideas the reflecting team shared.
Reflecting Team Example
A reflecting team is used at the end of a session with a father, stepmother, and their two teenage children.
Much of the session has been focused on the difficulties the parents are experiencing in setting consistent
boundaries for the children, especially as they have different parenting styles. They have touched on the
transition to becoming a stepfamily.
RT1: I suppose what struck me in listening to the discussion today was how much Jean and John seem to
have been thinking about pulling together as parents to help give Jack and Jodie clear boundaries of what
they can and can’t do in this family, without wanting too come down too hard on their freedom.
RT2: I was wondering how this pulling together process is affected by the fact that John had to do a lot of
the decision making and parenting on his own for a number of years. Does it feel like a welcome relief to
share things with Jean, or does the extra negotiating make it harder?
RT3: I suppose that would depend on what are the family’s ideas about sharing out roles. I mean I was
wondering whether they see the role of a stepparent as being any different from that of a parent in their
family.
RT1: Yes sometimes the roles can be quite different, each one having its pros and cons. Sometimes a
stepparent can bring a fresh perspective on things, take a step back and look at things in a different way, like
Jean felt she often did. A parent might enjoy a special relationship of understanding because they have been
closer to the child for longer. It may be that these differences could be used to complement each other.
RT3: I was thinking these things might be influenced a lot by gender, because Jean was saying she and
Jodie have developed a closer relationship, partly because they were both women, and there were different
expectations of the things Jean might be able to do as a step-mum.
RT2: It feels like these things take time to negotiate though, and I wonder if this period of negotiation is
what the family are still struggling with, because it might take longer when the children are teenagers, and
have plenty of ideas themselves about how things should be.
RT1: I wondered what ideas the family had of how to take this negotiation further, if it is something they
feel might be worthwhile pursuing. Is it something they would like to discuss here, with us, or do they feel
the negotiation will just evolve naturally?
Th: Perhaps we can leave it there then, and I will take your ideas up with the family.
207