How to Coach Yourself and Others Coaching Families | Page 182

SPECIAL DAYS, MINI-VACATIONS, SPECIAL OUTINGS
Couples and families that are stuck frequently exhibit predictable behaviour cycles. Boredom is present, and
family members take little time with each other. In such cases, family members feel unappreciated and
taken for granted. "Caring Days" can be set aside when couples are asked to show caring for each other.
Specific times for caring can be arranged with certain actions in mind (Stuart, 1980).
PROBLEM SOLVING
Problem solving is an effective therapy technique not because it teaches the family how to resolve the issue
that brought them to see the family systems psychologist, but it teaches them how to identify, develop plans
and create resolutions for future problems. Problem solving may seem like a common sense resolution, but
it requires a willingness on the parts of all parties to contribute to the solution.
Problem solving is a family therapy technique that requires effective communication and often comes later
in therapy sessions as the therapist challenges family members to role-play situations previously deemed
irresolvable. Family members may also be required to play the part of other family members, parents
playing the part of the children or dad taking on the role of mom to a child's dad and a mom's child. By
actively role playing other members of the family, each member is required to see that person's point of
view. This leads to learning how to disagree in positive and respectful manner and to not allow those
disagreements to impede problem solving efforts.
FAMILY CONTRACTS
The family contract is a therapeutic tool that allows families to negotiate terms and come to an agreement
on how they want to handle future family problems and to commit to positive change. A family contract, for
example, may detail that a child who copes with an eating disorder commits to talking about her feelings on
weight, eating and social perception. Her parents will then commit to listening and not dismissing her
feelings. All parties commit to working together to build self-esteem and a healthy lifestyle.
Family contracts are a positive tool in the arsenal of a family systems psychologist because they are
facilitated agreement that a family makes to avoid future dysfunction. The family contract also helps family
members recognize when problems are occurring, particularly if elements of the contract are not being
upheld. Ef