How to Coach Yourself and Others Coaching Families | Page 165

versus Connectedness and Trust over time within ethnic minorities in England and in Afganistan are
discussed by Sanghera (2009) and Hosseini (2007). Despite undeniable importance of Böszörményi-Nagy's
Ethical concepts, inability to provide practical solutions for reconciliation of legitimate differences in
understanding of morals can be seen as one of the limitations of the Approach. It is not entirely free of
distortions and biases, therefore the Relational Ethics, operating within “none-imposed,” but latently present
Western moral code fails to provide the “general approach to moral considerations in therapy.” (Fowers,
Wagner, (1997))
Despite being open to interpretations all Family interactions are acts of giving and receiving. Each of the
them brings a new balance or imbalance to the Ledgers of entitlement and indebtedness. This accounting
metaphor is used by Böszörményi-Nagy to discuss the balance of give and take in the Family. Because
Contextual Approach defines the Trustworthy relationships as mature and free of exploitation, in its
framework a Ledger is balanced when Family members take responsibility for making an honest effort to
consider each other's interests, rather than make a contribution of “equal value.”

Entitlement
Deriving from the metaphor of “Ledger,” the concept of Entitlement relates to Family members' ability to
prioritise other's needs, welfare, and interests over their own. In a fair exchange of give and take a
constructive Entitlement is earned. Those subjected to unjust factual realities acquire destructive
Entitlements and are more than likely to compensate for this violations.
Although both experiences will probably be brought forward, understandably compensations for destructive
entitlements spanning trough generations are spoken about more often. Böszörményi-Nagy believed that his
Approach applied to all relationship, including society as a whole. According to Kurimay, he holds that all
relational conflicts are results of destructive Entitlements, whether it is “ethnic war in Sarajevo, race riots in
Los Angeles, substance abuse on the street corner, or unhappy “adult children” in your house.” In another
words, Böszörményi-Nagy's contributes to the Approach by offering a logical explanation as to why some
individuals are “predisposed to engage in repetitive and harmful behaviours that often affect those that did
not victimize them and therefore are innocent.” ( Böszörményi-Nagy's & Krasner (1986), cited by
Gangamma (2008), p.2)
Böszörményi-Nagy believed in the usefulness of the Contextual Approach so strongly, that he suggested the
use of it for “the possible mediation between cultures and religions after 9/11.” (Kurimay) Whether or not it
is too naive to suggest that Contextual Approach can be as successful in resolution of international conflicts
as it is in resolution of Family ones remains to be seen. Even if strength of the Approach can not be
stretched that far, it is undoubtedly a useful tool for many areas of Therapy. For instance, according to
Adkins (2010) Contextual Approach “offers a new lens through which one can explain Intimate Partner
Violence,” (p 29-30) and fills many other gaps in the existing theories, attempting to explain “femail's
violence toward male partners and violence in same-sex relationships.” (p. 30)
Placing a high value on Closeness between Family members and their significance for the development of
relationships, Böszörményi-Nagy proposed the fifth – Ontic - dimension of Contextual Approach, which
refers to the nature of the interconnectedness between people that allows an individual to exist decisively as
a person, and not just a “self.”
Although as any theory Contextual Approach has both its strengths and limitations, contributions of
Böszörményi-Nagy to its development can hardly be overstated. He was probably the first one to recognise
inseparability of behavioural and Ethical dimensions. The latter has become an important and integral part
of many Approaches to both Family and Individual Therapy. Perhaps because of this discovery Contextual
Approach seems to capture nature of Family relationships in all their complexity, including multigenerational dynamic, “better than any other major Family Therapy Approaches.” (Fowers, Wagner (1997))
In the opinion of the student, who herself comes from a multi-cultural and multi-denominational family of
origin, from the country with a long and dramatic history of social and ethnic conflicts, BöszörményiNagy's Contextual Approach casts a new light on fluctuations of family and individual goals, “split
loyalties” and legacies of “created realities,” passed down through generations.

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