How to Coach Yourself and Others Coaching Families | Page 148

Virginia Satir’s Humanistic Family Therapy
One of the founders of the MRI communications school.
Emphasized the importance of giving families hope and building self-esteem in family members.
**** Also read: Behavioural and Conjoint Family Therapy ****

Key concepts:
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Turn roles into relationships, rules into guidelines.

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Our similarities unite us, and our differences make us grow.

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A symptom may be distorting self-growth by trying to alleviate family pain; symptoms are a light
on the dashboard or a ticket into therapy. Broken families follow broken rules. Pathology is a deficit
in growth. What growth price does each part of the system pay to keep the overall balanced?
"Rupture point": where coping skills fail and family needs to change.

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Primary triad (mother, father, child) is source of self-identity.

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Mind, soul, body triad: a current basis of self-identity.

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Self, the core, has eight levels: physical, intellectual, emotional, sensual, interactional, contextual,
nutritional, and spiritual. A good therapist works on all levels.

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Three parts to every communication:
Me, you, context. Dysfunctional communications leave one of these out of account.

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Games: rescue games, coalition games, lethal games, growth games.

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The five freedoms:
To see and hear what is here instead of what should be, was, or will be;
To say what one feels and thinks, instead of what one should;
To feel what one feels, instead of what one ought;
To ask for what one wants, instead of always waiting for permission;
To take risks in one's own behalf, instead of choosing to be only "secure" and not rocking the boat.

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Maturation: development of a clear identity and power of choice; self-relatedness; ability to
communicate with others. Coping skills increase with self-esteem.

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"Threat and Reward" (rule-makers/followers; rigid roles) vs. "Seed" (innate growth potential)
worldviews.

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Five components of self-esteem:
Security, belonging, competence, direction, selfhood.

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In a dysfunctional family, symptomatic behaviour makes sense. It is also covertly rewarded.

Interventions:
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Reduce individual and family pain.
Family life chronology (three generations).
Communication work and esteem building. Growth.
Identification of family roles, and turning these into relationships.
Family reconstruction: an exercise in which roles in significant family historical events are directed
by the Explorer, who is led by the Guide.
Look at implicit premises that guide perceptions and interactions.
Analysis of how family members handle differentness.

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