How to Coach Yourself and Others Coaching Families | Page 133

The last four triangles represent high quality marriages.
There is a radical shift in the conception of the triangle. Because there is a constant flow of energy, the three
points are connected by rounded lines, making a circle. This represents uninterrupted energy flow between
the "me's". In a high quality marriage there is a multiplicity of healthy connections which are as dynamic
and fluid as the energy.
4) The fourth is the "Balanced Connection" which has an equal concentration of energy.
5) The fifth is "Couple Centered". The energy is focused on the P , but differs from the second triangle in
that the other "me's" receive energy.
6) The sixth is "Family Centered". Both people focus their energy on the family, which would be a joint
3rd interest.
7) The seventh is "Loose". The energy is focused on the 3rd , without detriment to the stability of the
couple because, again, there is a steady flow of energy to the other corners.
Marks' (1989) concept of the self as a triangle is very useful and deserves more attention. A useful
application would be in Slater's (1994) article on triangles in committed lesbian relationships. In his article,
Marks does not discuss the possibility of energy revolving around the "I". This might reflect an assumption
that there is a sufficient concentration on the "I" naturally, that the inner-self is the base of all the external
interactions. This assumes a degree of differentiation that, developmentally, is traditionally more male than
female. Slater points out that the affected partner needs consolidate her sense of identity and perceive it as
originating within herself. This would result in the "I" in Marks' model to be the focus of energy. Without
this option, the therapist would concentrate the affected partner on the "P" and miss the opportunity for
individual growth.
Criticisms on the triangle theory
As exciting and varied as triangle theory is, there are valid criticisms. One is that the majority of the studies
focused on dependence as being the dominant catalyst for problems. A good example is West (1986) who
states : “In this enmeshed situation the child seems to experience a distorted sense of attachment,
involvement, or belonging with the family and fails to experience a secure sense of separateness,
individuality or autonomy. “
This implies that independence is more important than attachment, and given what we know about gender
roles, that male characteristics are more important than female characteristics. The possible gender bias
could be addressed by a study on the role of an overly-detached family member on the creation of triangles.
This would look at the role that stereotypical male behaviour has on the other two members.

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