How to Coach Yourself and Others Coaching Families | Page 132
The authors point out that there are both functions and dysfunctions of scapegoating.
For the parents, scapegoating serves to stabilize their relationship. They were also better able to live up
to the societal expectations of a happy marriage. Scapegoating permits the family to maintain its
solidarity. At the same time, communities can scapegoat the family with the dysfunctional child.
One of the dysfunctions is that scapegoating creates "realistic problems and extra tasks" for the family.
Another is that the child often becomes very adept at fighting back and usually directs their aggression
towards the ever-present mother.
4. Marks, S. (1989). Towards a systems theory of marital quality.
Marks (1989) suggests that relationships can be understood in terms of two intersecting triangles. He has
borrowed Margaret Mead's concept of "I" and "me" in describing the nature of the triangle. The "I" is the
presentation of the self at that moment or in that situation. This contrasts with the "me" which is an
organization of tendencies. The situation brings the "I" out of the "me". The triangle is three points and
those can be understood as three tendencies, or three "me" corners. At any given moment one corner will be
the focus of energy. That corner will then be the "I", the present manifestation of the tendencies. In therapy,
the placement of the "I" structures the future.
Each triangle has three corners.
1) The first corner is the Inner-self (I-corner), the driving force.
2) The second is the Partnership (P-corner) corner. This coordinates the self with a primary partner.
3) The third corner is any area where the self concentrates energy that is different from the first two
corners, e.g. job, children, religion, friends etc.
Marks' conception differs from Bowen's view of triangles in marriage. Bowen sees the couple as two
corners of the triangle. The couple uses the third corner as a buffer against their tension. The third corner
provides a distraction and relieves the marital pressure. In a marital therapy situation, the therapist can act as
the third corner.
The "Three Corners" model is a systems theory of the self in marriage. A traditional concept in marriage
therapy is "marital quality". Marks states "Quality of marriage is a consequence of the way married selves
are systematically organized. A person whose "I" maintains some regular motion around and between all
three corners has a high quality marriage."
The article introduces seven different manifestations of the dual triangle construct.
The first three are low quality relationships. These are characterized by a concentration of energy on one
corner without a flow of energy to all parts.
1) The first triangle is the "Romantic Fusion", wherein all the energy is focused on the P . This is the
traditional beginnings of a relationship. This becomes unhealthy after a while because other areas of the
self are neglected