How to Coach Yourself and Others Coaching Families | Page 108

accepted by the A.A. group and greatly relieved to tell her story. She stopped drinking almost immediately
and developed a very close connection to her sponsor, an older woman. She felt she could be herself with
the people at A.A. in a way she could not be with Michael. She began to function much better at home,
began a part-time job, but also attended A.A. meetings frequently. Michael had complained bitterly about
her drinking, but now he complained about her preoccupation with her new found A.A. friends. Martha
gained a certain strength from her new friends and was encouraged by them "to stand up" to Michael. She
did. They began fighting frequently. Martha felt more like herself again. Michael was bitter.
[Analysis: Martha's involvement with A.A. helped her stop drinking, but it did not solve the family problem.
The level of family tension has not changed and the emotional distance in the marriage has not changed.
Because of "borrowing strength" from her A.A. group, Martha is more inclined to fight with Michael than to
go along and internalize the anxiety. This means the marital pattern has shifted somewhat from dysfunction
in a spouse to marital conflict, but the family has not changed in a basic way. In other words, Martha's level
of differentiation of self has not changed through her A.A. involvement, but her functioning has improved.]

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