How to Coach Yourself and Others Coaching Families | Page 60

Conflict Emergence Without Resolution
"Conflict emergence" without resolution occurs when different opinions are clearly expressed, but no final
solution is accepted. Everyone knows exactly where everyone else stands, but little is done to reach a
negotiated agreement. Sometimes this occurs because the family, while willing to discuss the problem,
simply does not know how to negotiate a compromise.
Conflict Emergence With Resolution
Emergence of the conflict and its resolution is generally considered to be t he best outcome. Separate
accounts and opinions regarding a particular conflict are clearly expressed and confronted. Then, the family
is able to negotiate a solution that is acceptable to all family members involved.
A Caveat
In some cases, conflicts need to be postponed for more appropriate times. For example, if a family member
is very angry, tired, or sick, it may be reasonable to table the conflict until he or she is ready to have a
meaningful discussion. However, in such instances, it is critical that the family set a specific time to address
the conflict. Indefinitely postponing conflict resolution is a sign of avoidance. A postponement for a definite
amount of time is adaptive.
In other instances, a person may decide that the issue at hand is not worth having an argument about. For
example, one person may want to stay home while his or her partner wants to go dancing. Either partner
may opt to compromise by agreeing to the other's preference. So long as partners take turns compromising,
this is adaptive and balanced. However, if the same person is always the one to give in, this may reflect the
use of denial by one partner to avoid conflict with the other.

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