How to Coach Yourself and Others Coaching Families | Page 261

In the preceding example, it is important to note that the symptomatic behavior (i.e., doing poorly in school) is
not what is connoted as positive. What is key to understanding positive connotation is the ascribed intent
underlying the behavior that is connoted as positive, in that the child’s desire to perpetuate a sense of family
stability is personified in the figure of the grandfather. Positive connotation, in effect, deframes the strength and
power of the symptomatic behavior by ascribing good intentions as being present behind symptomatic
behaviors. Once the deframing is accepted, the therapist may proceed to process, for instance, how the other
family members present in the session feel about this perspective, the positive connotation.
Example of a Brief Amplification of a Positive Connotation
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Father: At first, the new interpretation struck me as far-fetched: seeing the acting out and doing poorly
in school as connected to his desire to see the family remain in balance. I think I could stretch a little
and see it as some way fitting into the situation facing the family.
Therapist: How would all of you see it fit?
Mother: Well, I can see it fit very easily. My father-in-law is missed a lot by just about everybody. He
was well-liked and loved. And, I guess kids can be pretty complex creatures despite their age. I could
see how his acting and pretending to be his grandfather means he misses him a lot and misses all the
things he stood for.
T: What could be done?
F: I guess we can talk about my father, include him more in our conversation.
T: What are the kinds of things you’ll be saying?
M: We could say how much we miss him. We can talk about what he might have said or done about
things that come up in our lives.
F: We could visit the gravesite more often, bring flowers, and things like that.

For family members troubled by certain familial situations, positive connotation can often act as a catalyst,
helping family members to generate new ideas and new ways to handle problems. Positive connotation has the
capacity to do this because it can call into question — as deframing does — uncertain beliefs and perspectives,
but it can also serve to remove the negatively charged emotional overlay of symptomatic behaviors. It makes
this possible by introducing (within reasonable credibility) the possibility of good intentions on behalf of a client
and his or her intentions.
If deframing or positive connotation does not produce some practicable results, then other strategies can be
utilized. One such strategy is coping questions.

 PARADOXICAL INJUNCTIONS
A paradox is an apparently sound argument which leads to a contradiction. It is used to motivate family
members to search or alternatives. Family members may defy the therapists and become better or they may
explore reasons why their behaviours are as they are and make changes in the ways members interact.

 PRAGMATIC FICTIONS
Formal expressions of opinion to help families and their members change.

 PRESCRIBING INDECISION
The stress level of couples and families often is exacerbated by a faulty decision-making process. Decisions not
made in these cases become problematic in themselves. When straightforward interventions fail, paradoxical
interventions often can produce change or relieve symptoms of stress. Such is the case with prescribing
indecision. The indecisive behaviour is reframed as an example of caring or taking appropriate time on
important matters affecting the family. A directive is given to not rush into anything or make hasty decisions.
The couple is to follow this directive to the letter.

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